You always see me in the hall smiling, but have you ever thought it was fake?
Have you ever seen all the pain that it hides?
Maybe smiling has always been easier than explaining why I'm sad.
Maybe it's a way of hiding how sad and hurt I really am, a way to hide all of the pain.
If you look me in the eye, you can tell that I'm breaking inside.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, that you can understand a person's emotions and thoughts by just looking them into their eyes.
Did you ever think that was true?
Did you ever try?
I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside of me.
I want to let it out, I want to talk to somebody, but I feel as though no one will completely understand and they will judge me.
I hear all of the whispers and they're not that nice.
They tell you to be yourself then they judge you.
They tell girls what to say how to look, how to dress.
Don't wear tank tops.
Don't wear skirts.
You were asking for it by showing skin.
Don't be too skinny.
Don't be too fat.
Small waist, big boobs, big butt.
Don't wear makeup.
Cover up your ugly.
How am I supposed to love myself if there are all of these rules?
How am I supposed to be comfortable in my own skin?
When I'm upset, I shut myself down.
I have no motivation for anything.
I tell myself that nobody cares, I think of all the negative things I could possibly think of.
I give myself all of the pain, thinking I deserve it.
I'm not sure why I do that, but it's just how I am. It's how I learned to be.
Put yourself down first so it doesn't hurt as bad when other people do it.
People talk about people but they don't realize how much it affects them.
Silent tears hold the loudest pain.
When I cry about something, I end up crying about everything that's messed up in my life.
Like the fact that I'll never have a somewhat good relationship with my parents, how my mother chose drugs over me and beat me, how I'm never and will never be good enough for anyone.
I'm hurt, mentally and emotionally.
But every day, I walk with a smile on my face, because it's just who I am the girl who never stopped smiling.
