Dear Diary ~ Lana

1 Day After Summer Break

Dear Diary,
I've been getting these feelings lately, and they're not the good type. The feeling consists of this weird energy that surges through my hands, urging me to pick up my blades.

I don't want to feel like this! It's stupid. I don't want to die but I feel to die, it just doesn't make any sense. And I refuse to be depressed.

First day back of school from the summer holidays, the summer holidays wasn't very different from school though. Brandon moved to the house next to mine where Dr. Likes-To-Hire-Prostitutes used to live until he was busted for drugs. At first I was happy he was out, now I could sleep peaceful nights without hearing moans and inappropriate sounds from next door.

Then the new neighbours arrived and my mum invited them over for tea. Mum and dad played happy couple again and I couldn't help rolling my eyes more than once at their pathetic acting. Mum caked makeup on her face like usual, covering her bruises and scars. And I saw dad dripping something on his eyes to prevent him from crying. He also put a wig on to cover his hair up, his hair was perfect in its brown, bushy state but then he got crazy and ripped pieces of his hair out and shaved his eyebrows. Did I mention he had also bought stick on eyebrows and he had worn them for the first time that night?

I dressed in the clothes that my mum told me to dress in: a white plain vest and a black pencil skirt with a purple cardigan over it. My dad gently plaited my hair into a French plait scaling down my back and mum did my makeup. She also helped me cover the scars on my bare legs with foundation and did her 'special technique' she used on her face.

When the family arrived for tea, I excitedly went downstairs with my parents to greet them in. I shook hands with a tall, pretty lady who looked young but the stress lines on her forehead told otherwise, then a cheery man with complete grey hair, then their son: Brayden. I wasn't going to shake his hand at first but he happily shook it, I could tell he didn't realise it was me.

I introduced myself as Lana, my birth name, but people at school knew me as my middle name, Haven. He introduced himself as Brayden and I nodded as if I didn't know already. He was dressed in a smart white button-up top with a few of the top buttons undone and black skinny jeans, he cleans up well, surprising for a horrid bully I despised with every inch of my body.

And get this, he called me beautiful. BEAUTIFUL! Why? I DON'T HAVE A CLUE! I made myself looked flattered before leading him into the dining room where his parents and my parents were waiting.

All through tea or more suitably called supper, he kept staring at me and winking and flirting with his eyes. He kicked my legs under the table playfully and I used all my strength not to kick him harder. I ignored him (though it was hard) and kept my eyes to my lap where I was secretly watching a YouTube video with subtitles.

"How old are you, Lana?" Cecelia, Brayden's mum, asked. I looked up from my lap and smiled.

"Seventeen, eighteen in May. I'm in my first sixth form year."

"What would you like to be when your older?"

"I have a fascination with the law, I'd like to be a lawyer or a politician. If not then I would gladly take the role of a doctor or teacher."

"Which college would you like to get in?"

"Oxford or Harvard in America. A college that will help me reach my full potential education wise."

It was as though I was in an interrogation room though they only asked me three questions. I answered each question carefully and smartly, making sure I was sounding like I was a very intelligent person.

And then Brayden asked me a question.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

I didn't bother answering it like I had with the questions from his parents, it was a simple yes or no question. Plus it was from Brayden.

The supper didn't fly as fast as I hoped it would. I just wanted to curl in bed and watch YouTube on full blast so I wouldn't have to listen to my parents constant fighting. And also that I illogically believe that if I put the volume on too loud then it would silence my thoughts.

Once it was done, Brayden slipped a piece of paper into my palm when I shook his hand saying: "Pleasure to meet you." in the biggest fake smile when him and his family were finally leaving. His number was written on the paper.

Anyways, sorry about not writing much in the summer holidays, there wasn't much to do in the holidays so I don't know how I didn't find time to write. I know this entry was supposed to be about today, my first day at school but it was just like all the other days: harassed by bullies, girls dressed extremely slutty, hiding my intelligence by not raising my hand and, instead, showing it in written work and exams.

Okay, I'm going to go and drown myself in a book with the lovely soundtrack of parents fighting playing in the background.

Bye :3

~Lana

A/N: Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed my very first chapter of my new book! Dedication to Angielyn my best friend and the creator of this awesome traier for this book that you need to watch! That's really it for this Author's Note.

-Raini Pagent (my writer's name. disclaimer: not my real name XD)