Six Records of A Floating Life 浮生六记

Six Records of A Floating Life, 1

He was only an ordinary man and I was but a selfish man, perhaps, in this world, there still would not be a place that could accept people like us.

But, there should be a place that could accept two ordinary men.

【1】

My husband[1] was a pig, it hadn't even been a year since he started working and he had already gained 10kg, he could put on weight just by drinking water. During years in university, he was tall and slim, but his figure had severely changed - he now had a potbelly.

I had pressured him to lose weight; he was unwilling and always said men should be a little plump to look dignified. I said: "I liked it best when you were slim, when you moved, it looked like a willow in the wind; when you walked, there were curves, it was delicate and beautiful. In the Spring I could tie you to a string and fly you like a kite. Now, when you walk, the flesh on your body trembles, when you sleep and turn, the bed creaks. If you do not slim down, your stomach will grow bigger and bigger, one day you will blow up like a balloon and float away". He laughed loudly, listened with one ear and left through the other. He pinched my cheek and said that losing weight is self-abuse.

To scare him, I said I would break up with him. Whilst watching football, he said: "Break up, break up, money and everything belongs to you, I don't want anything, but when you leave don't forget to take me too."

【2】

My husband finally gave up and started his diet, his every meal was restricted to two bowls only; to comfort him, I accompanied him with this diet. For me I reduced my portion from two bowls to one and a half. He always ate quickly, before I could finish one bowl, he'd have finished his two bowls. He would sit by the table, tap the tableware, and stare at me eating without saying a word. It made me unable to continue eating and filled my heart with guilt; I could only split what's in my bowl with him, he would say, "what are you going to do" whilst eating at lightning speed. When he had finished, he would stare at me again and I then had to share with him another half of my meal.

After a week, my weight remained the same, he gained 1kg.

【3】

After receiving such disappointment, I decided to limit his meals to two a day, no more dinner for him (he ate lunch at the company's cafeteria). My husband saw that I had become determined, so he did not sit at the table to watch me eat anymore. He would sit in the living room and sing in misery: "Small cabbage ah, the field is yellow...[2]", causing me to choke.

I woke up in the middle of the night and saw my husband was not by my side. I heard some movement from the living room and went to take a look. I saw my husband squatting in front of the fridge, eating an apple, with another hand holding a tomato, both of which he did not normally like to eat. Upon seeing me, he smiled with embarrassment and asked: "Did I wake you up?"

My heart ached, I took the tomato and put it back in the fridge and cooked him a bowl of noodles. He devoured it like a wolf.

The diet plan had to be stopped, based on what my husband said, he was still growing, he should not starve.

【4】

My husband was very sociable at work and he was a smooth talker. When he returned home, he would sit on the sofa in a daze, eyes without expressions with his mind elsewhere. I would often take this opportunity to bully him.

One day, he was sitting on the sofa as he normally did. I took out a pack of cards and said: "Let's play twenty-one, the penalty[3] is a slap on the cheek, I will be the banker."

"What?"

"Twenty-one. The game where you compare how many points you have and see who has the bigger point." I dealt two cards for myself and two cards for him. I had 17, and he had 10. I explained: "I have a bigger number; I can now slap you." Then I selected three cards and gave him two slaps, one on each cheek.

My husband said "oh" foolishly.

I laughed secretly and dealt two more cards for each. This time I still got the higher point. I took the cards back, dealt again, this time it was a tie. I said: "We have the same points, the banker wins." and gave him two more slaps.

My husband's interest in the game grew and he asked: "So, when can I hit you?"

I dealt the cards, he finally won. I instructed: "This time you have the bigger point, so you can now hit me, just like this." and I gave him two more slaps. I asked: "Do you know how to play now?"

"Yes."

"Good, then we can play again later. I'm going to cook."

As I walked towards the kitchen, I turned my head around and saw my husband clenching his teeth.

T/N:

[1] the author was not married, it is common for couples to call each other husband/wife; the boyfriend's name was never revealed in both "Six records of a floating life" and "I will wait for you until I'm 35" and post his death; pig: is often used with affection amongst couples

[2] Hebei folk songs "Small Cabbage, 小白菜"

[3] this type of game and penalty is commonly played among friends