I said I don't remember.
No I'm not lying.
I really don't remember.
I swear, everything was just a blur
I didn't notice anything else that day
I didn't notice how close those pills were getting to my mouth
I didn't notice how heavy my footsteps were towards the bathroom
I didn't notice anyone that passed by me in the hallway
As if they would notice me
I don't remember
I don't remember
I don't remember
Why do I have to explain myself?
Why do I have to explain why I wanted to do it?
Why do I have to tell you when I know you're not even listening?
Ok, ok, I'm sorry
I'm sorry Mom
I'm sorry for everything
I'm sorry for being selfish
I'm sorry for being so broken while you were chatting with your friends
I'm sorry for ruining your long-overdue break from work
I'm sorry for being such a burden after Da-
I'm sorry for almost mentioning that name
I'm sorry for everything I never did to you
I'm sorry for even thinking of those things
I'm sorry for wanting to go out and see my friends
I'm sorry for screaming into my pillow after you disciplined me into thinking it's wrong
I'm sorry for making you waste your energy to slap some sense into me
I'm sorry for eating some of the food you worked so hard to make
I know that more should have gone to you
I know, I know
You're tired
But I'm tired too Mom
Why is it so hard for you to understand that?
Why is it so hard to think that teens need to talk too?
Why is it so hard for you to understand?
Why is it so hard for you to understand that I wanted to do it for you?
I'm sorry Mom
I wanted to free you
I wanted to see you finally at peace, no longer having to take care of a burden like me
I'm sorry Mom
I've failed you
Again.
I promise I won't fail you again
I promise I won't burden you anymore
I promise I won't
I promise.
Are you happy now, Mom?
'Cause if you're happy, I'm happy.
I love you.
I still love you.
I'm sorry Mom.
I'm really really sorry.
Disclaimer:
If you're having any thoughts about self-harm or suicide, please. Seek. Help. Note that the main character has an abusive/neglecting mother and that shouldn't be a reason for you to follow what they do.
You are loved.
You are beautiful.
And don't people tell you otherwise.
You can get through this.
