Counting Down

Chapter 5 - Absence

One month later

"So, that concludes our session. I understand things are better at home, yes?" my psychiatrist asked.

I smiled and nodded. I didn't want to let her know how much the absence of my wife was ripping me apart inside, how much her voice still rings through my empty hallways and how many bottles of wine I've consumed in the past month and how I've started taking long, aimless walks into the woods behind my house for the past two weeks. She didn't need to know how quickly my sanity was slipping between my fingers like sand, and as it was lost, the hourglass got closer and closer to running out.

"Have you heard anything about," I started, but my voice caught in my throat.

Patricia Ghalmam shifted around behind her desk. "Her timer continues to count down. Right now it's saying one month, so we expect her to wake up soon."

I covered up my face with my hands, but held back the burning tears behind my eyes. I couldn't lose someone else. Not like this.

"It at least lets us know when she'll wake up." She put a hand on my shoulder. "She's going to be okay."

I ripped myself away from her grip, blood starting to pound quicker through my veins. "You don't know! None of you fuckers know a damn thing! Don't you get it?! She's meeting the new love of her life! She lost her memory! She lost me!" I screamed with my voice growing increasingly loud.

"She's not him, Jackie," she whispered trying her best to soothe me.

"Don't call me that. No no no do not call me Jackie, she called me Jackie," I muttered while covering my ears with my hands.

Let me go!

You're coming with me.

The cabin lit up-

I started screaming. I screamed until Patricia called security and they carried me out of the building and to my car. I screamed, pounding on the steering wheel, yelling her name until my voice grew raw and coarse and the songs on the radio faded into white noise, covered up by the agonizing, nearly inhuman screams erupting from my lungs.

It wasn't fair. None of this was. How could she forget me? We were just starting out our new lives and now what, she was a brand new person with a new love of her life to care for her when she cried and love her? How could I just be gone from her like that?

I pulled into my driveway and slammed my door shut behind me as I entered my empty home. The pictures on the walls had long since been torn down and thrown into boxes in our- my hall closet. My long fingers that had grown thin from my recent lack of eating much traced her face in the picture of us on graduation. Lately, her absence had been more filling and the food was tasteless.

~

Cameras flashed and claps erupted from the crowd as I walked across the stage in our high school. My mom whistled from the front row and threw her hand over her huge smile. I gladly accepted my diploma before reaching under my cap to find my speech. Riley waved me on from behind the curtain.

I cleared my throat and unrolled my speech. "When I started out school, I never believed I would be going anywhere. I never thought I had a motive, a reason. I remember being asked what I wanted to do with my life when I was only fifteen. Fifteen! Even know I don't know what to do with my life. There's a little saying. It goes something along the lines of "Life happens when you least expect it", and it's true. I never plan more than five minutes ahead," I laughed, "and maybe that's why I nearly failed calculus but that's besides the point." The crowd laughed. "The point is, don't lay things out so much that you have to space to breathe. Stop following such a strict path. That's life."

I finished as the crowd erupting into applause. My tiny girlfriend ran across the stage and leaped into my waiting arms. We shared a quick kiss before skipping off of the stage.

"That was amazing!" my mom exclaimed when we collided into a hug.

"Thanks, mom." I turned back to Riley and lead her to our seats to watch the rest of our class receive their diplomas. Finally, the last student walked off stage and sat down and we did the famous throwing of our graduation caps. Riley's smile as the caps rained down was unforgettable.

~

I put the pictures back in the boxes and gathered all of my strength to carry my weak body to the kitchen where I brewed a cup of tea. The rain outside the back door was flooding my yard. Just another perk of living in the northwest. The rain, no matter how sad it made me, kept me sane. It made the place look beautiful, but I would kill for some sunshine nowadays.

The steam from my tea rose from my mug and I felt the first warmth I had in a long time. It filled me with a little happiness, until I thought of every cup of tea we shared on cold mornings like this. I poured out the contents of my mug down the drain, overcome with the memories.

I dashed back to our - my - room and buried myself under the messy covers of the bed I hadn't made up since before the accident. I forgot to make the bed that morning. Oh god it was coming back.

I shot up from the bed and ran as quickly as I could to the bathroom. I could feel the glass shattering my skin. His rough grip on my shoulder throwing me into his car was practically ripping me apart. I kneeled over the sink and washed my face with some cold water. It was still there.

Please let me go, I swear I didn't do it!

No, you're my daughter, too!

"Let me go!" I connected my closed fists into my mirror and watched it shatter under them. The shards of glass fell like snow, covering the floor around my feet.

I started hyperventilating. My breathing was short and fast and I couldn't focus my vision. Everything was getting blurry again. Oh god oh god not now. I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen and stumbled about as well as a drunken monkey into the kitchen. My long fingers picked up the phone and held it to my cheek.

"Hello? Is this Jacklyn?" a high pitched voice asked. "This is a call from Westview hospital."

My heart stopped. "Y-yes. This is her. What's going on?"

Her voice caught in her throat. "It's your wife. She's awake. She's out of her coma."

Riley. Awake. All of this wasn't computing in my head. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and my body hit the floor. The last thing I heard through my phone was, "and her watch is still counting down."