Jenny

Chapter 15

TRIGGER WARNING!!! There is talk of self harm in this chapter!

Jenny's nerves were making her shake. It wasn't a violent motion, it was gentle, like a tremble. She had a lot of experience holding her emotions in and keeping a calm face, but the knots in her stomach were beating any walls she pulled up. Every now and then she would stop to take a few deep breaths in hopes to calm herself down.

Like her therapist taught her, she'd ball up her hands really tight and let the anxiety and pressure build, then, almost like expelling it from her body, she would throw her hands forward and imagine it leaving her. Her body and mind would relax, well, for a time. Soon her mind would wander again and she'd have to repeat the process.

That morning her mother had brought her a cup of tea and was in an eerily good mood. Jenny knew that that was only her trying to stay positive for her. She knew that she could spook easy and that any sign of negativity would have her in a meltdown, this wouldn't be the first time. And on that thought, the itch started to build.

It was a feeling on her right hip, like an itch to be scratched. She groaned and rubbed the spot with her hand, it was a place easily concealed with every piece of clothing she would ever wear, a place where no one would see. Her thoughts tilted toward her hiding space in the closet where a single box cutter blade lay hidden. She wouldn't do it, not today or any day in the future. But she couldn't help but want to. Her therapist had said that the cravings never really go away and every now and then it'll come back. Jenny turned her attention back to packing.

Today, she and Dustin were leaving for his pack. It was going to only be for a couple of days, but she wouldn't be with her family. She'd be completely alone. She would have Dustin, yes, but only last night did she realize that she always had her family with her to lead her through things. Jenny never had to try new things alone, now she had to go to a new place without her family there to show her how to do everything first. Granted, Jenny was fully aware that most adults had to do this, and she also knew that this day would come, but she still didn't want it to.

Jenny finally closed her suitcase and had officially finished packing. She had clothes for every occasion and a few extra. She hated the stereo type about how women always pack so many clothes, but she wanted to be prepared. What if his parents wanted to take them out for a fancy dinner? She packed a dressier outfit and also an appropriate cocktail dress. What if they went swimming? She packed two swimsuits. What if they went to walk around one night and a cold front moves in? There's a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt for that. Not to mention other sets of clothes for the probable hot weather. She had to be prepared.

Grabbing her suitcase and bathroom bag, Jenny went to go down stairs, but was intercepted in the hallway by her mate. Ever since the start of the week he had been glowing at thought of going home. She wondered if he could feel her nervousness and hoped that he couldn't. Him being so happy all week put her in a good mood to. He seemed to smile brighter and his energy was up. She didn't want to ruin that.

"I'll take that," he reached down and grabbed her bags. She gave him a playful, but disapproving looked.

"I appreciate the gesture, but I can carry my own bags. I am perfectly capable," Jenny said, still keeping hold of her stuff.

"I appreciate your appreciation, but I'm still taking them," he gave a tug and she let go and smiled, shaking her head.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd hurry up," Eric yelled from downstairs. Jenny and her mate laughed and went down the stairs and into the foyer. Dustin went the rest of the way out to the car and Jenny hugged her brother's goodbye. She knew she would see them in a few days, but still, a part of her already missed them. She squeezed them a little tighter and held back tears. The thought of a life without seeing them every day ran through her mind, she quickly pushed it away.