When we are finsihed homework, we both go on Facebook. I turn my music on and we chill out for a bit. But I cant get that girl out of my mind. Shes just so perfect and quiet and just...wow. I have to stop. I cant fall in love with a girl. Just no. I start looking through my facebook and see something NO ONE wants to see. A status. About me...falling today. Really? Is that nessasery? I then showed Elise and she just had a really sad look on her face, like she didnt know what to do. Didnt know what to say. She quickly got up and ran into my bathroom. I heard silent little sobs, like little hicups but not. Why was she crying when it was ME!? I give her some space and about 20 minutes later she came out, eyes big, red, and puffy, Makeup spread all over her face. She sits down next to me and looks me straight in the face.
"Niki. This is out of control. They.. We... We have to tell someone. Get help. They can't continue to do this to you. You.. Your... Self harm. I've seen it. I saw it. You can't. Just.." She said, holding in tears.
"I didn't know you knew. I-I'm sorry." I stutter.
"Well, until you figure out what you're going to do, I'll be in my house. Text me."
And with that and a slam of the door she left, leaving nothing in her tracks.
I sat there, thinking about what just happened. Did I really get pushed down this morning? Did it go on the Internet? Do I actually have a crush on this girl? Okay... I guess this is happening.
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I lay awake all night just thinking. How the hell did she know I self harmed? I never EVER show my wrists. Ever. I never told anyone...I only wrote about it. The way it felt. Every detail in a journal. Nobody knew about that journal. NOBODY. It always was under my bed, under thousands of other books. Unless she snooped in my bedroom while I was gone or something, I don't know how she found out. Then I start thinking... And jump out of my bed and onto the floor. I lift up my black Lacey comforter and look under my bed to not only see all the books that were on top of my journal all over the place , but to see my journal completely gone. That little bitch.
Why would she even the think about doing this? Whats the point. She knows how quiet I am, how much secrets mean to me. Like one time, in first grade, I cheated on a math test. Like...Not just one little tiny question....the WHOLE test. Elise had to keep coming over to my table to whisper the answers in my ears. I felt so bad about it because that test was the test that made us pass first grade. So I litterally wouldnt have been here right now if it wasnt for Elise. I told her to never ever speak of it to anyone. And she didnt. But one day she started to talk to her crush about it to make her seem like a badass. Now, me, feeling as horrible as I did, ran over to her, made a stupid ass excuse of why I had to take her out of the converation, and proceeded to bring her into the girls bathroom and yell at her. That was the day she found out how much my secrets mean to me. So for her to look through a FUCKING BOOK of my secrets and feelings, mind boggles me. In so many ways, im mad, in others, I feel like she cares enough to cry for me.
