Breaking the Rocks (Provincia de Marina Series #1)

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

Breaking the Rocks

I never went out of our room after my argument with Exodus. Hindi rin naman sinubukan ni Adina na pumasok nang magpaalam siya sa aking aalis na. I simply sent her a text that she should be careful going back.

I was angry at Exodus for saying those words to me. Alam ko namang tanga ako. Hindi niya kailangang ipagsigawan sa akin iyon. I always regret being someone who's a brain hare and a simpleton. Kahit sa simpleng salita ay hindi ako nakikinig, that's why I always cause trouble to people around me.

I bit my lower lip. I never cried when people say those things to me. Maybe a bit, but I got over it. I was desperate before in getting other people's attention. Para mapansin, sumasama ako sa mga kilalang tao sa school dahil iyon ang pinakamadaling paraan para mas makilala. I was desperate with my dreams that I troubled other people.

I was simply someone who's good at dreaming but doesn't even know how to exert an effort.

At sa mga taong lumipas na ginawa ko naman ang lahat, tinatawag pa rin akong tanga at desperada.

Niyakap ko ang aking tiyan nang tumunog ito. I haven't eaten anything and I refused to go downstairs because of my pride. At bakit naman ako bababa? Wala akong kasalanan at mas lalong walang rason para bumaba ako at kausapin siya.

I don't know where Exodus' anger was coming from. Ang biglaan niyang pagsigaw sa akin ang siyang kinagulat ko. He never shouted at me before, at least not as intense at that. Talagang may pinanghuhugutan ang galit niya kanina. If I come to think about it, sinuway ko nga naman ang sinabi niya but I was also safe! Wala namang nangyari sa akin. He should be thankful that he still have a wife.

Tapos nakuha niya pa akong sigawan. Kung may nangyari man bago iyon, sana naman ay huwag niyang ibunton sa akin. What a brute!

Tumayo ako at sumilip sa gilid na bintana ng aming kwarto. There was actually a large window in our room where I could see the side of the house and a bit of it's back and front yard. May portion ng dagat akong nakikita. It was already dark and I guess, it was past eight o'clock. Ilang oras din akong nagkulong dito na hindi man lang kumakain.

My pride is more important than my hunger. Hindi naman ako mamamatay sa gutom kahit isang gabi lang na hindi kumakain. I could live with just sleeping and staring at nothing.

Nakita kong lumiliwanag ang kalangitan sa 'di kalayuan. There was a flash of lightning and then, I could hear the echoing rumble of the thunder. Lumayo ako sa bintana at naupo sa paanan ng sahig. Niyakap ko ang sarili at sinilip ang paglinya ng kidlat sa malayo.

I was always afraid of lightning. Kahit malayo pa lang, agad na akong magtatago o magtatakip ng tainga para lang hindi marinig iyon. I had my childhood trauma about lightnings. I had one relative that was struck by lightning and he immediately died. Other than that event, I was also a first hand witness of lightning incident where it created fire on the subdivision where we lived in before.

I was always afraid of it. Sa isang iglap lang ay mawawala na ang pinakaiingatan mong buhay. Even the sound of thunder is scary. After a flash of lightning, follows thunder claps that would shook me to the core.

Nagsimulang umulan at naririnig ko na ang papalapit na tunog ng kulog. The lightning flashed before my eyes before a clap of thunder occured. The rumbling echoed in my ears like the fast beating of my heart.

Isiniksik ko ang sarili sa gilid ng kama at pumikit.  Mainit ang gilid ng kama ngunit pakiramdam ko ay sinasakal ako dahil sa maliit na espasyo. I even forgot to open the light because I was already shaking in fear. I always think that a lightning would struck the ground that I was in. Na sa isang iglap lang ay mawawala ako.