Live For Me (Arthur and Gwen)

Live For Me

Gwen did not go to the tourney. She stayed at home, unable to bring herself to go up to the castle for work, and watched from the window as Arthur fought –– and lost. She might have wondered why he'd suddenly become so distracted, so not Arthur, but it was easier not to think, not to wonder. She didn't want to be hurt even more.

Her door burst open, and she turned slowly to it to see Merlin in the doorway. Her heart sank. She had thought it might have been Arthur.

"Rats again, Merlin?" she asked, her voice coming out more hollow than even she had expected.

"What? No," he said, breathless, stepping toward her. "No, um..." He stopped a few paces away. Gwen looked away from him, wondering for how much longer she'd be able to keep up normal conversation. "I... I need your help." She glanced at his pleading face. "Arthur needs your help."

Even his name hurt. "I do not think that Arthur needs me," she said, softly, bitterly.

"Gwen, don't worry," Merlin said. "I know."

In her preoccupied mind, his words barely registered. "You know what?" She hadn't meant the words to come out so harsh.

"Everything. Anyone who spends five minutes with you can see how you feel about each other." He stepped toward her, reaching out his hands. "Look, I do not have a lot of time to explain so you are gonna have to trust me." She stared at him. "Arthur does love you."

That hurt, too. That stupid, foolish hope. "No, he doesn't," she breathed.

But Merlin wasn't giving up. "If you don't trust me trust your feelings."

Gwen laughed, anger coursing through her. She didn't know exactly who she was angry at: Merlin, for saying all these things that hurt: Arthur, for abandoning her: or herself, for being so naive and foolish and stupid. "I'll never trust in my feelings again."

She still couldn't look at her friend.

"He's enchanted!" Merlin cried at last.

Was he trying to hurt her even more? If so, he was saying all the right things. "Yes, with Lady Vivian, I can see that!" Gwen snapped.

"No, I mean literally enchanted, with magic, potions, love juice. None of his feelings are genuine."

Gwen went still. Could he... could he really mean that? Was Arthur truly under a spell? For the first time, Gwen felt a new hope within her. "How can you be sure?" Merlin paused. "When I saw him his feelings seemed real enough."

No, it wasn't true, was it? This was all some stupid trick.

"Gwen, none of his feelings for Vivian are real," Merlin said gently. "But if you do not break the spell his death will be. Search your heart." Merlin sighed. "You know who he loves."

Gwen looked out the window once again.

You know who he loves.

She searched her heart, but all she could find was pretence and foolish hopes. She didn't know who he loved, no more than Merlin did. The noble, valiant, brave, honourable Prince Arthur would never stoop so low as to care for a serving girl. The noble, valiant, brave, honourable Prince Arthur would... Never lead her on the way he had and then abandon her without a word. The Arthur she knew, the Arthur everyone knew, would have at least deigned an apology, a goodbye.

Perhaps Merlin was right.

You know who he loves.

She searched her heart. Arthur could never have loved Vivian, she realised that now. The spoiled princess could never have coaxed the softness, the pride, the kindness that she had come to witness in Camelot's noble prince. Arthur would never have ridden across an entire kingdom through countless dangers against his father's will to rescue Lady Vivian.