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"i love you Teddy. i really fucking love you. yet now i've lost my chance." he looked at me and froze. i shook my head. he didn't love me back. "i love you Blair, i always have, you haven't lost me. you will never lose me," he said taking my hands into his. "but i have Teddy, i can't stay," i whispered. i saw his eyes glaze over with tears. "then run away with my Blair, we can leave, we can start a new life and get to love each other like we deserve to," be said but i shook my head. "Teddy, there's nothing i would love more. yet you have a life, you have a family, you have goals, you need to finish school," i said however he just rolled his eyes. "you are my family Blair," he said, i felt my heart almost begin to crack.
"Blair. ever since i saw you i knew you were special. i realised what love was because of you. you showed me what kindness, loyalty, and passion was in the truest form. when i found out that you may leave me i felt like i was losing a part of myself. you can't just tell me you feel the same then actually leave me," he said looking at me and holding his hands up to his hair. "Teddy, i do not want to hold you back. i just want to make sure that you live the life you want and deserve. before me, you were happier, you had a beautiful girl, you were set on your goals now look. i've ruined it," i said but he suddenly took my hands into his and shook his head.
"you have done nothing but make me a better person. i love you Blair. i love you so much it hurts me. seeing you makes me feel alive. i don't want to lose you. i would die for you Blair," he said. "oh Theodore, i used to love the idea of something being so tremendous that it was worth dying for. but i was wrong. i think the most magnificent things are worth living for," i smiled. "i'll wait for you Teddy, i'll always wait for you. i want you to live your life for me, then when the time comes, if our love is true we will find each other," i placed a small kiss on his cheek. "where are you going?" he said with a sad smile, "i'm going to travel Italy, i'll be moving across the country and then maybe come back here one day," i said, nodded. "i'm happy for you," he pulled me into his arms. "me too Teddy," i held him close.
"can you do one think for me Blair, one last favour?" he said, i nodded. "can we just pretend like you aren't leaving, just for tonight? i want to know what it feels like to have the love i've been so desperate for," he looked deep into my eyes. "i would love nothing more Teddy," i then decided to place a small peck up on his lips making him smile. "i like this already," he said taking my hand. we began to walk back to the houses, my mind completely confused. i was so happy right now, yet i knew it was soon to leave me when i saw my friends again.
i saw that all the guests had left. only the March siblings (excluding Meg) and my friends were still in the area. i didn't know how to feel. my heart ached. "are you ready?" he whispered, "more than i'll ever be," i huffed. he smiled and placed a small kiss on my forehead. the all looked up, smiled appearing when they saw i had returned. the only person my heart really went out to was Beth, she was being left, like me. i took a seat with Teddy holding my hand tightly. "are we going to talk or?" Tessa said. i shrugged. "right, i'll start. i am sorry Blair. i mean it. we all had our own priorities in mind without thinking about you however when you were thinking of staying here we were completely opposed to the idea. that's selfish and completely hypocritical. we never even took your feelings into consideration which is completely stupid and makes us look like horrible friends," she explained. "we love you Blair. with our whole hearts and we have no excuses over than the fact that we were blinded by love, as were you but when you told us that we called you selfish, you gave in and made us feel better, but we didn't do the same for you. when our own interests came into it we were bad friends. we should have told you. i have never felt more ashamed in my life," Manon continued. "i think we don't deserve you as a friend. you're the most selfless and considerate girl in the world. we will never forgive ourselves. if anyone deserves love it's you and we shouldn't have let our own priorities stop you from having what you wanted and deserved," Nikki finished.
"i don't know how you guys could ever do that to me. after all if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be here, Teddy spent his money to get you here and you pay him back by ruining all chances of our happiness. i didn't think you were like that. i love you all with my whole heart yet i find it almost impossible to act like i'm happy with you right now. you will all be my best friends till the day i die, but right now, i'm taking a little break," i admitted. Laurie squeezed my hand tightly. "i just need some time," i finished. they nodded. "i'm gonna head home," i smiled and got up. they waved me off and Teddy and i made our way home.
as we got in the door i sighed. he took my hand and started running. "i don't want you to be sad anymore," he said while pulling me up the stairs. "i'm not sad when i'm with you," i laughed along with him as he pulled me into my bedroom. he held me by the waist and threw me on to my bed. i looked up to him adoringly, i could have had this for so much longer. "you're beautiful," he smiled making me blush. "oh Theodore Laurence, what a gentleman you are," i smiled brightly. he jumped onto the bed, wrapped his arms around me and began to roll around with me tight to his chest. he then turned me over so i was on top of him and placed kisses all over my face. "you don't know how long i've waited to have you like this," he said holding me close in to him. "kiss me," i whispered. he didn't hesitate before pressing our lips together softly. i pulled away with a smile. "i love you Blair," he whispered. "i love you with all of my heart Theodore," i replied kissing the tip of his nose.
we sat in each other arms for hours before realising that we needed to sleep. i had a big day tomorrow. if there was one thing i had learnt from this trip, it's to never stop yourself from loving someone. "goodnight, mon bourdon," he whispered. "goodnight, mon nounours," i replied kissing his cheek lightly before letting my eyes finally shut.
-
once i awoke i almost broke down. i was really leaving this beautiful place. i was leaving Teddy. i was leaving it all. "i've been waiting for you to wake up," he whispered in my ear before kissing my head. "today is the day," i huffed. he nodded. "my life will never be the same without you," he said, "well you better just hope that you don't get ugly in the next year or two so i come back to you," i chuckled. he just squeezed me tightly.
"are you sure you still have to leave?" he asked for the 29th time while he tied my corset, i nodded making him huff. "you will write me won't you?" he asked, i turned to face him, "you really think i could live my life without any communication with you at all? oh Teddy, i love you too much to do that," i smiled. "how sweet my love," he smiled and kissed my nose.
"i don't remember you bringing this much stuff," he said watching the staff load the empty carriage with my trunks. "me either," i said looking at the masses of luggage. "excuse me can i just grab something from there?" i asked before they put the last chest in, they obliged and opened it, i pulled out the bear that Teddy had previously given to me. "you kept it," he smiled. "i haven't slept without it since you gave it to me," i replied. "Teddy, i want you to have this," i said unclasping a small necklace from my neck. it was a thin chain with a pendant shaped like a B attached. "i will treasure this till the day i die," he smiled looking at the necklace and holding it tightly in his hand.
"you know Theodore Laurence, i once believed that i would never love like you hear in the stories, yet i know now that that's just not correct. true love will triumph in the end - which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, it's the most beautiful lie we have," i stroked my thumb across his check bone with a small smile on my face. "i will never love another like i love you Blair, remember that please," he said with a crack in his voice. "remember me," i whispered, he smiled, "i would never forget you," he shook his head. "never," he whispered. that was when the carriage driver signalled for me to finish up and get in. "as long as i can dream, i will dream of you," were the last words my sweet Theodore Laurence said to me on that heartbreaking day.
