alone at the edge of a universe

one word for how ben felt when he realized he could possibly interact with his siblings again, and hold his siblings, and feel the ground beneath him was hopeful.
ben was hopeful, he finally had a chance at feeling alive again, or could possibly be alive again.
that word was the least accurate to how he felt when he realized his siblings disappeared and he was still there, on april 1st 2019, and everything around him was dying, the hopefulness had ben strung right out of him like water in a wet rag.

everything was in flames and broken, or was dead. there was nobody or nothing there for ben to see, he was alone.
it was hard for a while but then he got accustomed to his surroundings, became one with the fact that he would never see or talk to another human again, simply because there were no humans to interact with.

before he knew it the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months,

after a year of being in the apocalypse ben had walked pretty far, he didn't have anything to lose, he was already dead so the heat and simply unhealthy conditions didn't affect him. he had accepted the fact that he would most likely never see another person again, he was used to the ash clouding his vision and flames arising and ruining the remaining buildings and recognizable places and things.

and then the months turned into years,

it had been 5 years in the apocalypse, ben made sure to keep count, he wasn't frightened of the remainder of the buildings suddenly collapsing anymore, he wouldn't start crying if he saw movement and it turned out to just be his imagination anymore.

the years turned into decades,

it had been 10 years of the apocalypse, ben didn't cry every time he walked by the academy, he didn't cry for his family to come back to him everyday, he was mostly adapted to the apocalypse now,

before ben knew it he hadn't seen his family for 20 years, he hadn't seen a single form of life for 20 years, but unlike five ben never got a way out, he couldn't since there was no way to see him considering he was dead,
he had accepted that by 25 years in the apocalypse.

by 30 years bens memories of the siblings were slipping, most of the only good ones he could remember were with klaus.

and by 40 years he accepted his situation,  he realized he could never change what happened, he couldn't do anything to make his siblings come back, he realized he was truly alone.