Magic Boy

ylang-ylang

"We're not meant to be together."

The television was playing some old romcom from the early 00s. In Kit's opinion, they should just play the old teleseryes or fantaseryes instead of this lovey-dovey bullcrap. But Mingkwan on the other hand:

"If only we just met at the right time — maybe."

Kit looked at Ming. It wasn't the best of looks but it was a look. He was repeating a lot of lines in this movie as if he was in it.

Ming knew he was being eyed on by Kit. He knew how intense Kit stared at anyone. Most people in High School were intimidated by him. But being the puppy dog that Ming was, it made him more eager to get to know someone so against the concept of being known at all.

It all started with some gentle teasing. A joke cracked here and there. Suddenly, Ming became conscious when he – one day – just talked to him like it was all natural. Like they talked about things without him being forceful about it. Like without making it all happen at all. Natural. Smooth.

They did start talking more frequently. More than frequently. Like asking each other how the other was when they met in the halls. When they bump into each other on the streets, they'd say a 'Hey' at each other. Small gestures, small little gestures, but for Ming, they meant the whole world plus another.

Could he say the same sentiments to come from Kit, though?

Kit just felt that Ming was friendly. Overly friendly.

A dog.

A puppy, more like.

A Golden Retriever puppy, precisely.

Kit just felt that Ming was loveable. He was simply lovable. A typically lovable guy, you know.

Those hearthrobs you can't help but fall in love with. Having those simple gestures they don't even intend that makes any gay boy wishing to beat the odds fall for. Kit did fall for Ming. But it all looked one-sided and just hopeless. I mean, there was this neverending question of, what would his family say about them?

"Goodbye."

Ming said, at the same time as the girl in the movie. Kit simply continued looking at him. He never wavered staring at him.

It was endearing for him, but he never – he'd never admit to that cheese. He hated cheese, not too mention, he was quite lactose intolerant too.

Biting his lips, he went back to looking at the movie playing on the screen. The girl was crying now. Looking away, well – back turned away from the guy, she was crying.

In his head, Kit felt that all that was corny and bull. I mean, why would you even give up midway if you really cared that much? I mean, where was the sense in all that cheese? That was just pathetic. Simply pathetic. Pathetic, especially for the eyes of our Kit.

Mingkwan, feeling teary, blinked and a stray tear came down the side of his face. It came down the side where Kit couldn't see. Why did life grant us love and all that but not give it all in the end?

Thoughts of why, why, and why came coursing through his head. What if that happened to them – him and Kit?

Will they even reach that level of relations? They already were at a weird end since they were each other's sex partners for pay but what about love? These thoughts chorused through his mind. Love after sexual relations? Love after sexual relations that involved their source of income? What if they broke up?

It'd be too awkward for him. He didn't want to be awkward since this was Kit. He couldn't bare that. He really cared for Kit and valued him a lot. Besides the sexual pleasure of fucking him and basically using his body for all his fantasies, which admittedly were also fantasies of their viewers, how could he let someone like him go if it all falls apart in the end?

This is always the dilemma in love — should you let go even if it feels painful, or should you stay and fight even if it fails inevitably?

Love was always some mundane yet aethereal concept for him. Growing up in a household obsessed with soap opera dramatics, he felt like life really followed through when one falls in love. It honed his thinking. It honed his expectations of love.

Well, it wasn't apparent until after he met Kit. He doesn't remember the first time but he felt obligated. He felt a certain cusping of the heart with Kit. Like it felt right in some way, a perfect fit. He knew it then, and after a lot of sex, Kit proved to be more than the perfect fit for him. He felt this vague undescribeable feeling of being where it should be. He felt determined to be with Kit, in a way. He didn't know what was pulling him forward towards him, but he wasn't about to stop it. He'd push it forward if only he could.

"We should look out at the stream," Kit snapped him out of his trance. "It's late and they'd be messaging us if we do a live."

"Yeah, sure."

Ming just stared at him. They were going to do a simple live now. Naked in front of cameras but no real direction. He'd simply fuck him as per the requests of their viewers. Just fucking.

"I'll set it up now. You go ahead and sit on the bed."

Ming nodded and worked his way towards the bed. Kit went to the camera and laptop set-up on one of their tables just in front of the foot of the bed.

Kit busied himself while he thought of more than just cameras and impending sex. He thought of the movie from before, that cheesy drama Ming likes. It always struck him as weird that Ming liked that considering that manly men like Ming typically never want to see those kinds of movies. Most men would rather enjoy some vague superhero nobody's ever heard rattle it out on screen against some rehashed villain from the 1990's. He felt confused but also amused.

If that movie was any indication, Ming could be some love nut that Kit hoped he'd be. Love nut, in his guarded thoughts, for him. Maybe Ming liked him back, somehow.

As he opened and adjusted the camera and glanced back to Ming behind him quietly sitting and looking at the ceiling, Kit wanted to get to know Ming more. More than what he was able to sift through with him.

As he turned on the Live session, he inhaled.

Does Mingkwan want me too?