Close your eyes, fly

My way, i guess

I can't be inside while someone's vacuuming, it just doesn't work, I have to go outside.

Mom's always bugging me about keeping my friends and going outside and putting some effort in relationships with each and everyone around me. It's annoying. I'm not exactly an introvert or something, but I enjoy being alone sometimes. I need time to process stuff. A day with friends or family is enough for me to want to be alone and lock myself in my room. But I mean, it's quite normal, isn't it? Wanting some peace and quiet for awhile. I've done some research and I found that it might just me a personality, and I'm fine with it, it's just that it's keeping me away from stuff. It feels like I'm missing out sometimes. I mean, school is just a mess, headaches everyday and never hanging out with someone after school. The stress doesn't make it better. I don't even wanna start about family gatherings, could be one of the worst things possible, everyone's talking loudly, children running around screaming at each other, grandparents trying to start a conversation, mostly about school, it's like standing in the middle of a crowd on a concert and you don't even know the artist. Yep, it's a mess.
I feel like I'm missing out on the teenage life as well, you know hanging with friends, partying, falling in love. But my friend says that's my fault, that I don't take the hint while boys are hitting on me, I can't see what she means, maybe that's the problem.

Then there's my brother, two years older, kinda handsome, fashionable, trendy, and all that stuff. He's kinda keeping me away from who I am and who I wanna be. It's like he cares more about my reputation and image than I do, not that it's hard to care more than me, but anyways. You know I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not like boyish either. Most of my friends are girls, even though I kinda like the boys company more, I don't do my makeup or care about my clothing very much, but it's not like I go to school in my pajamas or something. I'm playing sports, floorball, which is kinda manly, plus that I'm playing in an all boy team, but I'm also dancing which is not guyish at all.
I don't wanna be a girly girl, that's just not me, but my brother is kinda pushing me. He wants me to care about how I'm dressing and he wants me to buy all girly clothes in cute colours and stuff. I mean I can't wear skirts, I look like a man who's dressed as a woman thanks to my muscular legs, and I don't see it comfortable. He doesn't seem to get it anyway.
He also wants me to switch floorball teams to a girls team in the next town, I don't want it since I'm not full out on floorball and I see it a waste of time to switch clubs, plus that I've had some troubles with girls in the past and feel kinda right on spot in the boys team.
Maybe it's not any big of a deal, but I still see it as pretty annoying that everyone else has another plan for my future than I do, no one seems to care about my goals and dreams. I guess I gotta fly in my own.