the edge

into the unknown

                    I knew I was gonna hear the news eventually. What I didn't expect was how hard it would be to keep my tears in line. The only person that knew about our relationship was my mother. She supported it all the way. I loved him very much but it had to come to this. What did he expect. Well my mom came from the kitchen crying saying he died. I just started bawling my eyes out. Not only for him but for the consequences I knew were coming. 

                   She told me the cause of death was cyanide poisoning. That just made me cry even harder. He died a slow painful death. I knew he didn't deserve what happend to him. I didn't deserve to live for what I did. I then told my mom I was tired. I ran to my room and started drinking every thing in my room from lava lamps to bottles of shampoo and conditioner while eating a whole bottle of Tylenol. Then before I passed out I got a text from UNKNOWN.    

                          It said 

          I know those tears were fake.    

          you are crying because your doing something dumb. 

          you cant get out that easily.   

                                         Just let me die in peace. 

                                         And I'm dying a slow painful death like i did to you

                  Then I awoke in a hospital bed. My mom was overjoyed with happiness. She started screaming "nurse,nurse shes awake". Then the doctor talked to me about the dangers of drugs and alcohol bla bla bla. All I could think about was why he wouldn't let me die. I knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to torture me like I tortured him. With love, pain, and finally death. I now wish he never would have died. 

                 When I came home on my wall said I know what you did last summer. I fell on my knees and started crying. No amount of trying to pray to god or trying to kill myself would work. I had to put up with it. I had to try to forget. Maybe forgive forget would work. In this case there would be no forgiving. Well everything went back to normal. I was about to graduate and had already planned going on road trips with my bestie and getting my life how I wanted it to be.  

             I snuck out with my boyfriend and first we went to the drive in movies. He put his arm around me and said I will love you forever. I said the same thing. I thought I heard him under his breath say "mhm. I could have just heard wrong so I ignored it and ate some popcorn. Then we went to the party. That's when things spun out of control.