Dahmo one-shots :)

[REUPLOAD] Holding her

I love the way her hair smells. Is that weird? I pressed my nose to her scalp, taking in the honey scent. She lay in my lap, her head resting on my shoulder, my arm supporting her back. She was a little heavier than you would expect from such a small girl, and my legs were going slightly numb, but I didn't mind. My favourite thing to do was hold her.

There was no better way to spend a Saturday night than being cuddled up to Dahyun. Her body seemed to be made for me. Every aspect of her fit perfectly.

Cuddling with her reminded me of the day we had met. About four years ago, I had been walking down the streets of Korea for a holiday and spotted a girl holding a sign. It read: FREE HUGS. She stood in the crowded street, looking slightly awkward. I noticed that there were some girls giggling off to the side, so I decided that this must be some sort of dare. I immediately wanted to ignore her after that, but I felt bad, watching her stand there, stranded in the middle of the street with that ridiculous sign. So I walked up to her.

Her face changed from worried to scared, to embarrassed as I approached and wrapped her in my arms. She fit. It was a weird feeling. It was like we were two pieces of lego that could only fit with each other, but we had been lost until now. When I pulled Dahyun into my arms, you could almost hear the click. Is that weird?

I started to hum, rocking back and forth slightly with her body. I don't know what song it was. But it didn't matter. Nothing really matters when I hold Dahyun. Since it's my favourite thing. Did I say that already?

I ran my fingers through her hair, brushing it out of her face so I could kiss her forehead. Her skin was so soft. I love the feel of her skin. Is that weird? There's just something about it. It's like silk. White silk draped over her muscles... maybe this is a little weird.

"I love you, Dahyunie." I said. She didn't reply. My voice echoed through the night, alone and solitary. She didn't need to reply. Not to me. I know what she was thinking. I know...

I always seem to know what Dahyun is thinking. Is that weird? Sorry. I've been asking that too much. I guess love is just weird all round.

Nothing seems to make any sense when you're in love. It's as if you're in a dream. A very good dream. But dreams have the tendency to be random and surreal and jumpy. I guess that's what it's like to be in love.

Like, who in their right mind would go up to someone holding a FREE HUGS sign and get to know them personally? That's weird. Who would ever compare people to lego? Only someone who's in love. Who in the world likes the smell of someone else's hair? I do, but it's just love. What about liking someone's skin? Due to love. What about reading someone's thoughts? It's the result of love.

My favourite thing to do is hold her. But you probably know that already.

Sometimes I wish I never met Dahyun. Is that weird?

I guess it's just part of the dream of love.

"I love you." I said again, a little louder.

Is it weird to spend a Saturday night on the side of the street? It was getting cold. So was Dahyun. I pulled her closer, shivering a little.

Dahyun didn't answer. I guess I lied. I never knew, or understood what Dahyun was thinking. I don't think that's weird. It's not a result of my dream.

How am I supposed to understand why Dahyun left her family so young? How am I supposed to understand why she flinches whenever I try to hold her hand? How am I supposed to know what's going through her mind as she walks in to our apartment at three am, rambling nonsense? How am I supposed what she thinks when she does it again and again? How am I supposed to know what she does with all our money? How am I supposed to know that she loves me when she never says it? When she's never here? When all she cares about are those damn drugs?

Those questions are rhetorical... in case you were wondering. You weren't.

"I love you." I said it again. My little lego piece was still silent. I guess the dream of love was manipulating the way I saw her.

Sometimes I wish I had ignored that FREE HUGS sign. My life would have been better off without one hug. It was a lie. That sign. The hug I received that day wasn't free.

My limbs were chained to Dahyun for life with that one embrace. You can't see the chains, but that's just because of the dream. They're real.

Is this weird? I'm talking to you as if you were here. As if you can understand what it feels like to hold her. What it feels like to love her. What it feels like to be chained to her.

Dahyun never usually let me cuddle her for this long. We had been here for a few hours now. On the side of the road in each other's arms, her syringe discarded in the gutter.

Was it weird that I wanted to take some too? To feel what it was that drew Dahyun away from me? To understand what on earth could ever feel better than the deceptive dream of love and holding Dahyun in my arms.

"I love..." I wanted to say it again. But Dahyun... I knew she couldn't hear me. Her body was cold and stiff. Is that weird?

There was water falling down my cheeks. Is that weird?

Is it weird that I wanted to die? Right then and there I wanted to die. Die or remove the chains that held me there and wake myself from my dream. Only one was possible.

"Why-Why won't you answer, Dahyun?" I asked her because the dream told me that she was still alive and listening. "Why won't you say that you love me?"

I know why. Because she loved a feeling more than a person.

But I guess I do too. Because even though Dahyun lay in my arms, dead, I still felt the chains, and I still felt the loss and I still felt the dream making me pretend she was asleep.

"I love you." I told her again. She didn't answer, but I know what she's thinking.

Is that weird?