Aziz-e-Dilam عزیز دلیم

eight

Musa entered his room after a long day at work. The gloomy atmosphere at home makes him want to spend as much time at the office as he possibly can.

He loves his wife a lot but he has reached a precipice of his emotional endurance. There's only so much that a man can take.

The constant nagging, the frequent arguments and the continuous stream of tears. Hania is making him insane, and not in the good way.

It's been two years to their wedding. Two years of total bliss. Two years of joy. Also, two years of constant failure. They've failed to conceive a child in the past two years.

Despite Musa not being in favor of the decision of having a baby so soon, he relented, seeing as that was what his wife wished for.

He wanted her to complete her studies, find a stable foothold in her career, travel the world, gather some memories and then when she has experienced life as a teenager, settle down with the whole two and a half kids dream!

But alas, his wife felt otherwise. She has always loved kids. Mirhan and Hanzal were the first ones to make her realize that. The birth of Abeer only strengthened her beliefs.

The final nail in the coffin was when her brother Haadi and his newly wed wife, Bareerah had their baby girl- Maysoon six weeks ago; that too within the first year of their marriage.

And here she was, two years into her marital status and still with an empty womb!

She was not so driven towards having a child, but when she held Maysoon for the first time, she wanted to have hers that very instant.

She went crazy with the idea of being a mother. So much so, that she completely disregarded her studies and business plans.

Initially Musa was all for it, seeing as that was what she really wanted. Slowly it became an obsession and now she's a slave unto that notion.

She deems herself to be a failure. A worthless woman. The society has drilled the fact into her mind that a woman who's not a mother within the first one and a half years of marriage, is not a complete woman.

She became only a shell of her old self. Not really living or loving like she always did.

The boys were rudely snapped at and her parents and in laws were given one word answers.

Musa took the worst hit. She fought with him on frivolous topics. Blamed him for not getting pregnant.

She said that his dream of not wanting a child manifested in reality. That's how twisted her mind had become.

She did not visit her parent's house anymore. On the rare occasions that she did, she refused to look at the children. The poor kids couldn't understand their Phupho's indifferent demeanor.

In the last few days, it has taken a toll for the worst. She has stopped interacting with anyone. She has stopped talking to him. She'd burst into painful sobs looking at babies or something related.

She's cooped up in the room all day, doesn't eat or sleep. The idea of not being a mother has taken precedent over the reality of her being a wife.

Musa sighed and looked over her hunched up figure, wracking in silent sobs. She was yet again clutching the socks to her heart and weeping for something that she never had.

A few days ago, her periods were delayed and she thought that it had finally happened. She went out and bought the cutest and the tiniest bumblebee socks for newborns.

Turned out she was only stressed and it was due to that. Never had he ever seen her so heartbroken.

The doctor had said there was nothing wrong with either of them. Baby will happen when it happens. It was all Allah's wish.