Fuck off / / Reddie

Tears

** Richies POV **

Life's shit.

I've been having seizures non stop, one time I almost went into a fucking coma. I can't sleep at night all I do is stare In the darkness and wait for morning to come. My parents don't give a shit about me but they still came back from their trip and payed for a private room In the hospital. So I don't need to get of the room to the bathroom since there's one in here, I'm free to use.

I don't remember much of the accident it's like a blur, I remember things but at random you know? Like a remember waking up with Eddie and kissing. I remember getting the car and singing but after that it's all pitch back.

I was told that when they found me I was outside of the car. In fact I wasn't even close where the car crashed. I was knocked out and while we were flying they say I somehow fling out of my seat and flew out the car braking the glass. They asked me if I was wearing I seat belt but I just.....couldn't remember at all and maybe it's better that way. I asked about Eddie and if was ok I didn't even bother to ask about my injuries. But that just said to me

" He's fine. You'll see each other when it's time, for now stay in bed and rest." What the fuck is that suppose to mean?

Obviously I was worried out my mind.

But Stanly told me how they found Eddie and what happened and how he's doing.
I feel like shit for leaving him to go threw this alone. I should have been there but I wasn't.

As always the trim was pitch black and I tired to do to sleep. But the more I thought the more angry and sad I was I don't know why but I felt over whiled with emotions, they won't let me see Eddie until I'm better and I feel so empty without him.

I got up from my bed limping to the bathroom as I could feel tears running down my face. I turned the light and closed the door behind me as began to break down. I stood in front of the sink looking at the mirror to see myself crying pathetically.  I began to think about the accident then about the seizures and my coming up surgery that could possibly kill me. I don't know why but I began to think about the past of the bullying and when I cut myself. I broke down and began hitting the moor with my knuckles.

" stupid. STUPID. STUPID!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as the glass broke cutting my hands. I grabbed a piece of glass and started at the broken mirror.

" I hate this! I hate YOU!!" I yelled at myself as I  grabbed chunks of my hair and cut it off with the glass crying my eyes out. I was so carried away that a began to violently cut my arms over and over with the glass as blood came out. As I realized what I was doing I got scared and dropped the glass backing away hitting the wall and sliding down the wall to the floor hugging myself.

" Eddie..." I sobbed out in pain.

I always felt like dying even though I'm already dead on the inside, Sometimes I feel like actually dying. I use to feel so numb but when Eddie came I felt again but now that he's gone I think I'm getting numb again.