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CHAPTER 01: VALIANT & VALIANT
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Wednesday, August 14th
Taina hadn't expected much to change when she came home from college two weeks ago. She had hoped things would though, for the better at least. But her uncle can't seem to move on and let that change happen.
An incredulous look spreads across her face, silently judging the short, grumpy man next to her―uncle Edward Valiant, or just Eddie by most. Just to annoy him, she quietly makes gagging noises as he takes a swig of a bourbon. He likes to keep the thing close. It's constantly stowed away in his trench coat, sitting in a holster where a gun should be. In response, he frowns. She then shakes her head in disapproval with a smile. "You've got a serious problem," she whispered, careful not to disturb the people working on the TV show who were no more than a hundred and fifty feet away from them.
A loud, agitated cry came from one of the workers, and Taina averts her attention to it to watch whatever drama that's about to unfold. Production came to an abrupt halt after the refrigerator fell on the rabbit. "Cut!" shouted the director. "Cut! Cut! Cut!" He stands up from his designated chair and throws his copy of the script to the floor.
The goofy background music for the cartoon continued to play as the director and the other actor for the cartoon―toon "baby", Baby Herman―were both yelling at Roger, the rabbit inside of the fridge as "tweeting birds" flew around his head, circling like a halo. (Isn't the expression seeing stars, not birds?) Well, she had witnessed this rabbit mess up his lines more times than she could count. She's seen the Baby Herman shorts on Sunday mornings, giggling at the shenanigans Roger gets himself into while he tried to babysit the baby as she ate breakfast. Taina couldn't have imagined that this was the before, the very difficult and tedious before.
The baby throws the cookie he had just been climbing all over the fake kitchen for to the floor in disgust. Taina nearly choked on whatever comment she was going to make next when she heard the "baby" speak. "What the hell was wrong with that take?" It was a low, gravelly voice like Wallace Beery's―which then reminded Taina the voice of a chain smoker.
"Nothin' with you, Baby Herman," said the director. "It's on Roger, again!" The director looks over his shoulder. "Hey! Could we lose the playback?" The silly music suddenly stops as the soundman lifts the needle off the phonograph record. The director leans over Roger and angrily plucks one of the birds circling his head and waves it, accusingly, in the rabbit's face. "What's this, Roger?"
"A tweeting bird?" said a sheepish Roger. He slightly recoils into the fridge as Baby Herman mocks him.
"That's right, a tweeting bird," said the director. "But what does the script say? 'Rabbit gets conked. Rabbit sees stars!' Not birds, stars!"
"Aw, for cryin' out loud, Roger!" shouted Baby Herman. "How many times do we have to do this damn scene?! Raoul! I'll be in my trailer... takin' a nap!"
