"There's no remedy for memory"
CAN POV
"A story that took place one winter, A story that took place one evening. No matter where I go, you're there. You're always in my head. You're in everything I see. No matter where I go, I can still see you there can still smell your scent. I can't forgive you, I can't forgive myself but I want...... I miss you."
I never know how I'm supposed to react, Just like how everyone laughs & cries, I just can't do it well, I think I'm really bad at expressing myself compared to everyone else but, In reality, even it I really wanted to.... I can't cry properly and it hurts so bad. It hurts so much that I just want to scream. I always wanted someone to understand that, even just a little bit.... This 's how I am.
It's the season of springs, when every leaf of tress fall & grow a newly leaf, Is the season when i lost my contact from real world & with people... Soonly new section of high school were going to start and now I again surrounded with people, I only found myself in two things and that are my painting & Tin guitar... It's very hard to express myself from childhood but only Tin know how I express myself to him. There were a very special bond btw me and Tin but as the time gone we enter in middle school, I start losing my contact with Tin because he started playing guitar in a band and we spent less time with each other, somewhere Tin and I have a silent fight going btw us & at the end of spring season my only word to Tin was
Can:- "Tin, Are you willing to die for me, then?"
And here I come to know Tin die in bike accident at seaside. Is the time or moment when I lost my whole soul, my heart was broken into thousand of pieces but still even a single drop of tears doesn't fall from my eyes because "I'm really bad at expressing myself compared to everyone else". I just sit silently with all the people, as the ceremony end, Tin dad give his "Gibson ES-330/335" guitar to me... but I still don't believe that Tin was died because police didn't find Tin dead body until now, as the time flow, there were a rumors about me and Tin that, Tin kill himself because of me and by the time spreading this rumors in every single day and night, I only hear one sentence from my mind & that repeating again & again and that was " Are you willing to die for me, then?"....
It almost one year Tin gone but I still believe that he was always alive in my heart and in his guitar. By the time I enter on high school 10-2 classroom. I always keep Tin guitar near my heart even i don't know how to play it and by the time my hand was dead to draw something new. Every time I try to paint something, I only see Tin face how I used to draw tin, when he play guitar at the roof top of the school. I was very angry, sad, lost, crying, and roaming around streets and so on at the same time. I completely lost myself, It's fell like something very important things is missing from my life & it's was tin hand , which always hold me from back whenever I talk about separating from each other in future, he always told me same things 'Baka'(Stupid) . And now whenever I hold Tin guitar I can still fell Tin warmness, his cold hand, long soft hair touching my shoulder & his smell of scent that he always used. It's a winter season when I first time met with Tin. Sitting alone under the tree shadow, I show Tin who was full of joyful and happiness, when Tin see me, he asked
Tin:- "What are you doing here?"
I didn't answer .
Tin again asked :-"Are you deaf?"
Can:-"Whenever I speak my mom hits me".
Just this small talk make Tin and me too close. From childhood Tin always hold my hand whenever we walk through street, especially by the seaside. I clearly see in Tin eye that he understand me so well without a word, he know what I'm going to say... It's the season of monsoon, Tin love this season and i don't why. Whenever rain comes he just jumped in it. I cried holding drawing notebook, where every page covers with Tin picture. Every moment I spent my with Tin, I save it in my notebook. Now, the condition of me likes roaming in street in the search of Tin. I always keep Tin guitar with me because it keep me alive , I never try to play Tin guitar just in the fear to not want to lose Tin guitar like I already lose Tin in the view of world but he was still alive in the view of mine.
One day i just walking near the station and what i see was like a miracle for me..... Because i see Tin playing guitar with the same manner, he play in the past time. When I run toward him suddenly train come, train was passing from 10min and after that I lost Tin one more time. I'm not sure that person was Tin or not but, my heart keep saying that's he was Tin. My tin.... I run next side of the station, searching everywhere but unable to find him.
I run, run my dorm, run through room,I open my cupboard and search my old notebook and finally I found it..... I opened it after a half and year later, my tear fall down from the eyes just looking in the notebook that, what I see before he was surly Tin, he was alive , At the same time I hardly cried and I happily smile while looking in the notebook.....
It is the first time when my tears fall from my eye. Later I got a report from police officer who were in the charge of Tin case before I was going to open the report. My phone ring, it's was a unknown number, I simply pick the call and say 'HELLO' and later what I hear, it's break me more than 10 time then when I heard about Tin dead, and the caller was Tin mom telling me that .....
Hello everyone, it's me remedy... this my first time writing this story... hope you all like my story... Please leave your comment and like it and vote it.... :)
