Meant to be

Chapter 11: Come back oh come back!

Both of them Sidharth and Shehnaaz were exhausted. Exhausted with the pretense of being happy, the pretense that the other's presence did not affect them, the pretense that the other ignoring their presence did not affect them. Everyone around them noticed it too. It brought the energy of the whole
house down. 

Different cliques had been formed, Shehnaaz was floating in and out like a restless person between the two cliques but was careful to avoid Sidharth when he was his gang of arti, Shefali, Asim and himanshi. Ofcourse as was given with sidharth's personality he did not have to really go to anybody, everyone just gravitate towards him. He actually barely tolerated them because at this point of the game he needed them and they needed him. In this whole house he cares deeply for Asim and Shehnaaz in fact what he felt for Shehnaaz he could not describe it or articulate it. It was as if she had slowly entered the deepest of his being and nestled into a corner. Now that she wasn't around him there was huge Shehnaaz shaped void inside of him. When she was noticing him he would force himself to be jovial and have fun with those around him, always making sure to laugh louder and longer, he did not want her to know how vulnerable he was without her. The moment she was away from his vicinity he would switch back tactfully to his shell and then set up his invisible perimeter of attitude and indifference at the same time.

This morning Shefali was giving a head massage to bhau and that scene tugged both Sidharth and Shehnaaz. He involuntarily looked across at her from the garden couch where he was sitting, she was sitting on the lounge chairs next to the gym. Both of them happened to catch the other's eye and ofcourse looked away immediately, but not soon enough, because each could see the tug and the disappointment in each other. That is when Sidharth did something he should never have, he turned to Himanshi and said, "Himanshi yaar mera champi karvadey na pls. Ek mahinay mein jitnay bhi champi kiye utna sar ka dardh badtha Gaya! Sahay as an teri champinse theek ho jaye"
An over eager himanshi of course jumped at the chance "Mein toh kar doongi lekin warning deti hoon ki shayad mere haath ki champi ke baadh kisi aur ki champi bardaash nahi hogi." Sidharth should have stopped then but because he wanted to hurt just as much to also somehow express how hurt he himself was then said "acha! Kya baath hai, achi baath hai. Chalo Thoda time toh waste kar diya meinay lekin abhi bhi sudhaarney ka waqt hai, nomroblem! " he said this and silently glanced across at Shehnaaz.

Shehnaaz listening to this was a broken person. It was at that very moment she realized how important Sidharth had become for her. It felt like a thousand daggers pierced her heart at once and she could feel the bubble of anxiety build up within her. She tried her best but her face betrayed some of her hurt and helplessness. When Sidharth realized it he was even more upset with himself and with the situation. Shehnaaz had to count till 20 to calm herself down, she also wanted to actually see Himanshi sitting and giving Sidharth a champi, she wanted to use the absolute betrayal of that visual and use that as a tool to strengthen herself in the future.

Sidharth who could not look at her anymore closed his eyes and started engaging in a conversation with bhau, but closing his eyes seemed a bad idea because all he could see was her heartbroken emotion, the face that stared back at him was not the 25 year old Shehnaaz but it was a small child who trust had been broken for no reason at all, was there ever a legitimate reason to break a child's trust? The problem was if he opened his eyes he would actually have to see the extent of the pain he had caused. Still cautiously he opened his eyes and found the seat where she was empty. He tried to brush it away and tried and distracted himself with innate conversations with the rest.

In the meanwhile silently without any drama that people usually associated and expected from Shehnaaz, she quietly went to her new bed covered herself entirely with the quilt and purposely and clearly spoke into the mike "Bigg boss Meinay Apna decision le liya hai. Mein show chodna chahthi hoon. Jaisay hamaari baath hui thi uss din, Mein penalty pay karna ke liye ready hoon, bas ek baar mere bhai ja Phir Mere baapu sey baath karwa dijiye. Mein yeh saari baatein unko explain karke paison ka manage moonage sab karna hai, hai na? Toh pls aap mujhay confession room mein bulaiyeh. Thank you!"  There she has done it. her humiliation was now complete. Her father and she has a strange relationship. She loved him and she also knew at some level he also loved her but he loved her according to his terms and never sought to see things from
Her perspective. Anyway he would never let her live this down but that was still better than the humiliation she was facing inside herself and on nation television.
Bb had immediately called her into the confession room as she was a huge reason for the success of the show and somehow their plans had gone awry and things had not gone according to as they had planned. They were anticipating a full blown cat fight between himanshi and sana but here Sidharth and Shehnaaz were ruining the very thing that catapulted the show to new heights.
They tried to convince her to change her mind but her calm resolve of steel was very difficult. Finally they asked her to wait till Saturday to speak to salman Khan and also for them to figure out the terms of contract ending and how they would manage the fans of the show.