Centuries

Eight

DEANS POV

It had been a few days since our return to the bunker and YN was really distant from everyone. I understood that she had no choice but to free Michael from his prison but I wish she would talk to me about whats bugging her. I can see it in her eyes when I would catch her looking at me, something deep is bothering her. YN doesn't even see Michael who keeps to himself in the room we kept Nick in.

YN spends most of her time in her room. She comes out when she needs to so no one worries about her. Sam, who has painfully forgiven her for Maggie, can't see passed the wall she has thrown up. But I can. She's done this many times in the past. A few other hunters who have come through the bunker, they don't see it either. YN throws a mask on and smiles and talks whenever she feels the need to. 

Then back to the room she goes.

I knock on her door and open it and slip on in and close the door behind me. YN is sitting on her bed with a few snacks as she stares at the laptop screen. She's watching some sappy RomCom movie. Something she does when she really wants to be alone.But I let her go on with the distancing long enough. I really need to know what is eating her.

"Hey," I sit next to YN and take her hand. She squeezes my hand tighter. "Talk to me. I know something is wrong." The way she looks at me with a small smile, I know she's going to try and say that she's fine. "And don't say that you're fine. I know you're not." 

YN looks away. "I forget that you can read me so well." He voice is almost in a whisper. She takes her hand from mine and uses it to close the laptop. 

"I can't help but be in tuned with you," I say leaning down on the bed. "Now, talk."

I watch as YN opens and closes her mouth several times. I know she wants to say something. She doesn't know how to put it. She also knows that she can't bullshit a bullshitter like me. Something that I love about her. "It's okay," I take her hand again and kiss it. "Whatever it is. It's going to be okay."

"No it's not," She takes her back and gets off the bed. Yep, there it is. I sit up and listen to her. "It's not okay. I did something stupid. I did something terrible. You won't ever trust me. Hell you may never forgive me. I'm such a horrible human being. I should have just stayed dead." 

"Hey," I say firmly getting up. I walk around the bed to put my arms around YN, but she pushes them away and walks away from me. "You bringing back Michael isn't that bad. Sam and I, us jumpstarting the end of the world, twice, that trumps what you did."

YN clenches and unclenches her fists. It hits me. It's not about freeing Michael. There's something else eating at her. I take a few steps towards her but she turns around and there are tears in her eyes. 

"Sweetheart," I close the gap between us and touch her face. She brushes my hand away. This has something to do me. I know it. 

"I slept with Michael," Her voice comes out in a low whine but I can just feel my body freeze. It feels like a bucket of cold water was thrown onto me. "I don't know what possessed me to do it. It didn't hit me until after it was all said and done." 

I look away from YN. I should feel anger. I should feel hatred. I should be arguing or something. But I don't. I guess part of me expected this. I look back at YN, the tears are still trickling down her face. Even looking at her, I don't feel angry. I don't understand why. I hate that archangel with a passion and he had to have her again. 

"I'm a horrible person. You can't even react to me." YN whispers. She wipes the tears from her face and bolts out of the room. Leaving me with a few tears of my own.

A few hours have gone by. I sit at the table in the kitchen and drink a few beers. I'm trying to be angry still but I can't. I can't be angry with her. Not when she was manipulated in bringing him back. Who know how much Hezekiah messed with her head.