Xia of Tumen

Chapter 14

Xia woke up, in a warm, soft bed, with blankets piled on her. She looked around confused for a moment, not remembering where she was. She sat up. Pain flying up her side reminded her where she was. She was in China, she had escaped! She was safe. She laid back down feeling the amazing softness. She had forgotten that beds like this existed.

When she couldn't sleep any longer, she got up out of bed. The pain in her side wasn't nearly so bad when she wasn't surprised by it, and when she moved slowly and carefully. Suddenly she remembered Chung-ae. She felt guilty for forgetting him for so long. He should have been her first thought. He had saved her from drowning last night, and he had taken care of her for most of her life.

She went into the hall, and looked around. She quickly found the door to the room Chung-ae was in, and she quietly opened the door and walked in. "Chung-Ae? Are you awake?" Xia said quietly.

"Yes, I'm awake." Chung-Ae replied

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I'm surprised to see you walking around so soon, Xia. You should be in bed."

"You both should be in bed." Chen said as he walked in, "I see that only one of you two ever listens. Here is your medicine, Chung-Ae. Xia, you just need to rest."

"How much will the medicine cost?" Chung-Ae asked

" Unfortunately, I can't give it to you free..."

"But how much will it cost?"

"? RMB"

"I don't have any money, and I will have a hard time finding a job. I think you should keep that medicine for a different patient."

"No, no!" Xia said, "I can pay for it! I can work here to pay it off!"

"No Xia," Chung-Ae replied, "Remember, you are here to start a new life! I am not going to make you start your new life in debt. I want you to start your new life fully free! Don't bother with me."

"Chung-ae please, just take your medicine. I can pay for it! I will be free. I will be free from the guilt. If you don't get better, I will know it is my fault!"

"It's not your fault. I won't take the medicine. How could that be your fault? I will leave it to the Lord. Whether I recover or not. We will wait and see."

"You have to get better. You have to. I couldn't bear to live life without you. Can I call you Papa? You've earned the title. You have given so much for me."

"Yes. You are like my daughter. From now on, You are my daughter."

Xia hugged Chung-ae before going back to bed to watch the seconds slowly tick by for hours. Soon she found a book. In her other visits she had relearned how to read Chinese. Finally, she was allowed to get out of bed. She started working for Chen again. She thought about Chung-Ae constantly. As soon as she woke up every morning she would get up and go to Chung-Ae's room to visit.

Chung-Ae didn't seem to be getting better, but worse. Every night, as soon as Chen's office closed, she would climb upstairs just to check on him. After she had checked on him, she would go back downstairs, and take supper to him.

Xia rarely went outside. She knew that being this near to the border, she was definitely in danger if a guard caught her walking around. Sometimes Xia would go to the store for Chen's wife. Today, she was on her way to the store to grab a couple things Chen's wife had forgotten.

Xia enjoyed being outside today. She hadn't been out in at least a week. She felt the wind in her face and hair. She felt like singing and dancing, but instead she went into the store, and grabbed the things Dr. Chen's wife needed. As she was walking home, she wished Chung-ae could be out with her. Maybe with Chen's help he could come out today!

Xia almost danced back to Chen's office. It was a beautiful day to be alive! She was humming a little song when she came through the door she saw Chen and something seemed wrong. Her song and her smile stopped abruptly.

"Xia, sit down."

Xia dropped the groceries, and half-whispered, "Chung-Ae..." She rushed up the stairs and into his room. "Chung-Ae?" She whispered, "Papa, are you awake?"

Xia felt for breath, felt for a pulse. Nothing. She didn't even know someone could die of pneumonia. Dr. Chen's wife Lienna came in and Xia made herself ask, "Is he...d.. Gone?"

Lienna couldn't bring herself to answer and just nodded. Xia slowly walked to her room, and sat on the bed, staring into space. She didn't even know how to react. She was so shocked she couldn't even be sad yet. She suspected he might be fading, but hoped it wasn't true...that he would get better.

"He left a note for you."

Xia took the folded piece of paper that was being held out towards her with a trembling hand. She unfolded it and began to read.

"Dearest Xia,

My daughter, I love to call you that, I wrote this in the event that I would move on when you weren't home. Unfortunately I have no inheritance to pass on to you, but I want you to know, if I did, It would surely go to you. It is time for you to move on into your new life, leaving every link of the old one behind you. Including me. If you must move from this house to leave North Korea completely behind you, do. Do not go back there, unless you really must. And last of all, I love you as my daughter, though not legally, I have adopted you. Be strong, be free. Live life fully free. You are not Korean, you are Chinese, and you do not belong there or have to go back. "

Xia cried, before she resolutely stood up. She had to be strong. She tried to act in a way that Chung-Ae would be proud of if he could see her. She cut some of the buttons off his shirt, since there was nothing else she could take in memory of him, and that night, she, Chen and Lienna went to a pear tree in Dr. Chen's yard, and laid Chung-Ae to rest beside it.

When she got home, despite her attempts to stay strong, Xia collapsed on the bed and cried. Tears came out in torrents, and her body shook. She reread the note. She did her best to forget. She dug through her drawers till she found her journal. She pulled it out and was about to throw it in the fire when she saw a note sticking out.

"Xia,

I know that you are about to burn your journal. Keep it. You will want it someday. Do your best to forget for now, but someday when the pain has gone away a little, you will want it. You will want to remember, but not get stuck in the memories. Keep the journal. For my sake, and for your own.

With love, Chung-Ae/Papa"

She sat back down on the bed. She pulled out her pen and attempted to write how it felt. She quickly realized that it would be extremely difficult to write it down, so she gave it up. What had started as a beautiful day, ended horribly.

The next morning at dawn Xia left the house, not intending to come back for a long time. She couldn't bear living by the border, and stared across the border at the land with all the wonderful memories, and living in that house where everything had been sunshine and joy for a time. Her mind wandered to Dasom, who she was leaving behind, probably forever.