The Mechanic's Daughter

The Mechanic's Daughter Part 14: Snow

Strong Brew was playing at a bar right on the main drag where there was string of restaurants and clubs and little boutiques and shops selling books and birthday cards. The streets were busy even at night, but I found parking on an empty lot nearby. The bar had a raised platform for the band and a dance floor. There were a few couples, but most bar crowds were male and many men were clearly here to watch Marlene perform. She was on stage when Andrew and I walked in, singing something I'd never heard before. She caressed the microphone in a way that drew every eye to her. Her costume was a black bustier, a flowered blouse with loose sleeves and leather pants. Jimmy and the other guys were background. I spotted Eldon's girlfriend Peggy at the usual table near the stage and we worked our way forward to sit with her.

After the first set, Jimmy sat and talked music with Andrew. I was relieved their tastes aligned -- Electric Light Orchestra, Procol Harum – as Jimmy would tease me mercilessly if Andrew's musical tastes included anything too sweet or commercial. An Ontario bar band hasn't much hope of producing that kind of music, Jimmy said, his usual spiel. People wanted something less instrumental, more beat-driven. He and Marlene have been working on writing songs to exploit her vocal range, but still rock 'n roll.

"So Brenda, are you still with the bra-burners?" Jimmy said.

"Yes, and I have come especially to emasculate you."

"I liked her better when she wasn't liberated. When she was just a cute little thing in a mini-skirt," he said to Andrew. He was doing his best to embarrass me in front of a man I barely knew. It was one of the perils of having a brother that he thought this was okay.

"Did she wear one ever? I don't think I've seen her out of jeans. Though I'm working on that," Andrew replied. Jerk.

"Well, I think she likes you. She hasn't brought any other guys to see me since she started university."

I was quite annoyed with Jimmy now. He and Paul used to do this, talk about Cheryl or me in the third person as if we were not there to hear. It made me feel exposed when I no longer had Cheryl to back me up. I spotted Marlene, watching us from the back of the stage. I beckoned to her. "Come and join us."

Jimmy introduced me as "my little sister, the feminist."

"I thought you two looked alike." Marlene sat beside Jimmy, looking at him. Something had developed between them since I last saw them together. She was relieved I was a sister and not competition. "You'd be the one told him not to play Brown Sugar."

"A horrible song. A lot of the Stones is openly anti-woman," I said.

"Yes, but I like them."

"Me, too. I just pick and choose. I've always loved You Can't Always Get What You Want."

"Story of my life. Ruby Tuesday." We smiled at each other, allies now. "Are you marching to protest men who won't do housework?" She was referring to a new women's group that got a lot of press coverage recently.

"No. I've been working with a rape victim since last November, trying to get some consequences for the men involved."

"Oh, that's good. Someone should do that. I was raped once and I never had anyone I could talk to about it." This admission silenced everyone at the table.

"You were raped and you never went to the police?" Jimmy asked.

"Well, I was hitch-hiking. He held me down in a ditch and threatened to kill me if I told. I was too scared."

"Marlene, he threatened to kill you."

"Jimmy, I keep telling you, no one gives a damn what happens to me."

"I'm ready to kill someone for you just hearing about it."

She leaned over and kissed him. "Was he always so nice?" she said to me. Nice was not an adjective that usually came to mind for my brother – Marlene was either infatuated or a poor judge of character.

"Brenda, don't answer that question," Jimmy said.

In the second set, Marlene dedicated Dance A Little, one of Jimmy's songs, to me. I put aside Andrew's comments from earlier in the evening, because he asked me to dance right away. He moved naturally on a dance floor, his body sinuous and his sense of rhythm sure. He put out a hand to almost touch me and smiled as he caught my eye. "Happy Birthday," he mouthed. We danced the whole set.

Andrew and Jimmy went outside during the break and Marlene sat with me, asking me what happened to Nikki and what Barbara was trying to do for her. She was a good listener. She said she left her home in Windsor at age fifteen, but now thought it might have been better to stay in school – that the music business was really the pits, but waitressing was worse. And what was left but stripping or cutting hair, which was what she did now?

"Stripping?" I asked.

"Don't laugh. I've been desperate enough to consider it." It was the career trajectory of a certain kind of girl – not one I ever felt I would follow, but still I felt an obscure guilt at having catapulted myself into another kind of life altogether.

There was light snow as we left the bar, huge slow-falling flakes that lit on Andrew's eyebrows and hair. Andrew grabbed my hand as we walked. He slipped his other hand, cold, against my face as we reached the car and kissed me lightly. He asked for the snow scraper and cleared the windows for me while I warmed up Magda. When he got in, he leaned over and kissed me again, more thoroughly. I put my arms around his neck, so he'd do it again. His mouth was warm and tasted of my brother's marijuana. There was a gear shift between us and a lot of clothing. The snow was landing lightly on the windshield. Andrew reached out a finger to point at a snowflake that landed flat against the glass.

"I've always loved this kind of snow. You can see the shape of each individual flake. Look at the little points on this one," he said.

"It looks like someone has crocheted all along the edge."

"It's like you. One of a kind." It's the first compliment he's given me and such an extravagant one. "Do you ever think about how it's made of water. It's ephemeral. It's so exquisitely made and in a minute you're going to turn on the wipers and sweep it away?"

I knew he was just stoned, but the effect was delightful. "I think about that all the time. It's one reason I like nature – because there are millions of tiny, beautiful things appearing all the time and it does us good to pay attention."

He leaned back, sighing, and squeezed my hand. There was something final about it and I knew he wanted to drive home now. I put Magda in gear and wished I was bolder. I'd like another kiss, or some other indication that something was working between us. Before he got out of the car, Andrew asked me to meet him one night next week. "I'd ask you in, but I have to start this paper," he said. Not so stoned then. With a few well-chosen words and a kiss that left me hungry for more, he pre-empted the question of whether he would call again and whether he found me attractive. As I drove Magda home, I thought about how sure he was. I wondered if I liked it.