︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*TW✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
>blood
> possible trigger of abandonment
> mention of su!c!de
> detailed description
It was a beautiful morning, the sun shining bright up on the sky. The two companions, Hisoka and Illumi, were having breakfast inside of the kitchen, each with their own thoughts; a painful silence plunging between them. However, the magician had finished eating relatively quick, leaving the room as soon as he did so.
[I] The black haired sighed softly, gathering the dishes so he can wash them. For a while now, he has been experiencing pain in the throat and chest area, some unbearable ones, one could say. And strange enough,at that moment,a shill affliction stricked through his neck, almost leaving him breathlessly. The assassin felt as a flow of blood was struggling to get out of his throat, yet when he opened his mouth above the sink, three white petals fell down. He was so startled at first, not knowing how could that be possible, but didn't wait long to think. He grabbed them and threw them inside of a bin near, taking a deep breath as he did so. Illumi shook his head, walking outside of the kitchen, going to greet the magician. "How are you today darling? " His cracked voice echoed through the room. It was hard for him to comprehend all this ; because of Hisoka he was now very emotional, showing more and more feelings, afraid that at some point those could bring his end.
[H] As soon as the magician left the kitchen, his face changed into a disgusted expression. He hated that cheap game he was playing. Pretending everyday to be a loving partner, caring and listening to the other's botherings, or how his day went, when really he just wanted to be alone most of the time, away from illumi whatsoever. At first he thought that it was a bad thing indeed and he should stop it, end that delusional relationship going on between them, but he reminded himself that it was a Zoldyck he was talking about, someone with a great reputation, powerful as they're known, that could probably help him in many ways he couldn't even imagine. And so, with that goal fixed deep inside of his mind, the clown kept on pretending, having no remorse, just taking advantage of the situation he was in. He knew that now, the assassin was very vulnerable due to his emotions, but maybe it was for the greater good? After all, Illumi wasn't the only one who could manipulate people.Have him all wrapped around his finger, sounded good, didn't it? A weak smile curled upon his lips as he thought about that.
Hisoka grabbed a magazine from the table in front,flipping through the pages aimlessly,just to kill his time.
"I am good, how about you,my love? " He replied as he appeared to be interested in whatever rubbish was written on those pages. The pet name almost got stuck in his throat, hating how empty it sounded, and how he had to say it.
[Pov] illumi was cheerful, he made his way to the couch, sitting down next to the jester, as he placed his chin on his shoulder, reading a bit of the magazine he was holding. "I am good too, any plans for-" He opened his lips to say more, but the same shilling pain striked through his lungs, again, feeling as a flow of blood was trying to gush out of his throat. However, he struggled a bit before swallowing it, clearing his throat. "For today, haha, sorry for that" He continued trying to explain himself, but really, it looked like Hisoka couldn't care less of his problems.
[H] "No I don't, it's a free day" He replied shortly after, like trying to make the conversation end as soon as possible. He knew that, it was a free day for illumi too, which meant more time spent together,, clearly not what he wanted.
[I] The black haired sighed to himself as he stood up, going to look over at the window. "Hisoka, do you love me? " He asked all of a sudden, needing a reassurance. It was a beautiful view, seeing his long black hair fall perfectly on his back, peaceful as he seemed, yet unable to know what was going through his head.
"Hm, of course, I do love you" Hisoka's voice snapped the assassin out of his mind. And as soon as he heard the jester say the word "love" Illumi started twitching in pain, grabbing onto the wall near for support. He was blinded by hisokas great acting and thus not being able to see the obvious fake affection. After all he is a zoldyck, being abused his whole life meant that even the smallest affection from the right person will make the assassin melt in happiness.
"Are you okay? " The question slipped out of the magician's mouth, soon after he saw the scene happen.
"Haha of course" Illumi said,an awkward chuckle had left his throat. "I need to be alone for a moment" He managed to say as he rushed to the bathroom, dropping to the floor, sitting besides the toilet, shortly after he did. It was hell itself, unable to breath, struggling to keep his eyes open. The pain commands his attention, everything , it does not sit quietly in the background like garish wallpaper, it cows illumi's brain into meek submission, demanding a solution that he cannot provide nor know what it is, almost like an instant loop of paranoia. He breathed heavily as an entire rose left his mouth, falling into the toilet. He looked horrified at it, seeing how gentle and perfect it was, not wanting to believe that he threw up a flower.
Sometimes, the pain crushes you- it leaves you incapable of anything. It leaves you broken in and out,yet the tears won't roll down and the screams won't escape from his quivering lips, as if the flowers within his lungs are holding him back ; he gasped out, choking onto the spikes from the roses,which eventually ended up with him throwing up more blood in the toilet. He shivered; he was devastated, no matter how hard his assassination training used to be, this was a whole new level of agony.
'I'll be fine'
But would he?
His neck felt like it was burning, as his lungs were slowly being pierced by the spikes of the roses he kept coughing out.
His mind was messed up, thoughts overlaying, an endless affliction. Every ounce of Illumi wishes he had the nerve to swing his body off the top of a building. To walk deep into the depths of the ocean and stay down under. To take a gun and place the cool metal down his throat, pulling the trigger, shooting away the pain that was growing bigger and bigger. And yet, several petals started to fall out of his mouth as a few tears started rolling down his cheeks. What was that? He hated it so bad, but couldn't do anything about it. He tried to pull himself up, turning on the water inside of the bathtub. "I'll be taking a shower" He tried to yelp, but his voice cracked harder, feeling as if a knife was being twisted inside of his vocal cords.
"Alright, I'll go take a walk" Hisoka's voice went through the door, letting the black haired know about his plan.
Meanwhile, Illumi managed to undress himself, getting inside of the already filled tub, letting the warm water caress his skin, hug him, embrace him, as that was the only console he'd ever get. "He loves me" His soft voice echoed through the Bathroom, yet a wave of blood gushed out of his mouth, staining the fluid he was standing in. God, it hurt so bad.
[H] After Illumi left inside of the bathroom, Hisoka sighed in relief, putting the magazine down as he stretched his arms. 'What a burden' he said to himself, walking towards the kitchen to drink a glass of water. Grabbing a cup, his glare caught the sight of the three white petals the assassin threw away earlier. They didn't have any flowers inside of the house, so it was weird to see those. However, he didn't think much about it, but exited the room again, hearing small sobs coming from the bathroom. Hisoka questioned for a moment, was illumi crying? For a split of a second, a cold shiver went down his spine. Mercy, or perhaps pity, towards the one suffering inside of the room.
The magician shrugged as he let the black haired know of his leaving, walking outside of their apartment.
Hisoka went around a bridge, sitting down, looking at the water underneath, breathing the clear air from outside. It felt good, being away from everything. And without even knowing, the jester was distancing himself more and more from the assassin.
[I] On the other hand, the Zoldyck was throwing up entire roses, falling into the red water, the spikes hurting his throat, a pain impossible to imagine. He just couldn't bare it anymore. And so,slowly getting out of the bathtub,a robe around his body as he got out of the bathroom,he grabbed a phone thrown somewhere on the floor;starting to look up 'flowers coming out of throat'. His eyes rested upon the first article that showed up. 'Hanahaki disease press to know more'. He was terrified by what came next. 'A disease in which the victim coughs up the favourite flowers from the person that doesn't love them back, due to onesided affection'. No, it wasn't real. Hisoka loved him. No, that just, couldn't be real.
"What's your favorite flower? "
"White roses"
A short exchange of texts between him and his beloved one.
Illumi collapsed to the floor, petals and blood furiously coming out of his throat. "He loves me.. " He managed to say between the coughs. And there he was, lying and trying to make himself believe the impossible. It is truly amazing,how every time someone feels emotional pain, it doesn't hurt as a cut or a bruise would. It's just this heavy feeling.
Illumi's eyes started to water again, bitter tears trickling down his face as frail flowers were falling to the ground. It had to stop. And once again, as spikes were piercing through his lungs, a warm breath left his lips, dragging his soul out of the burning hell.
[H] Hisoka inhaled deeply before making his way back to the apartment, finding it weird how the black haired just asked him that, out of nowhere.
As he entered the place, his lips parted, wanting to announce his arrival, but instead, he saw the lifeless body sitting on the ground. For a split of a second he didn't know what to do, or what just happened. The magician slowly closed the door as he walked closer, dropping on his knees, near the assassin.
Hisoka was slipping in and out of his daydreams, remembering good old times, stumbling across bad memories, all was happening in such a rush he couldn't even realize all of those. He just sat there, softly holding the frail body of Illumi, caressing his cheek. A gulp stuck inside of his throat, as several tears trickled down his face. The magician's cries were silent, yet once the drops started to fall, they wouldn't stop, as much as he wanted them to. It felt strange. He was so cold,so harsh to the black haired for such a long time and he needed a near death experience to realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life.
And oh, how much he wanted to scream and bring him back. "I love you",, " I love you! " Hisoka cried out loudly as he hugged Illumi, his hand going through his long, black hair. "Please.. ",, " Please wake up" He managed to say through unbearable sobs, as he felt the room spin around him. His thoughts were so loud, they echoed through the chamber, paining him. What was that striking ache breaking his heart into tiny little pieces? What was that sudden love that has taken over his body?
Hisoka held Illumi tight, close to his chest, hoping for the black haired to hear his heart beat, beat so hard just for him. And yet, it was pointless, the Zoldyck had given his last breath a long time ago,, when the jester wasn't even near.
Illumi died lying to himself, still believing he was loved, that he has always been loved. And Hisoka? He lived to see the most precious person he ever had, die because he let his mind control his will.
Author's note:
Written based on a roleplay made with needletorture on Instagram.
Again, old story.
~2138 words
