The Truth of a hidden Secret

A Victim...

  

A Victim?

Never call me such a word because A victim has a chance at being saved.

A victim has a 50% of winning and being proved right to let the other take the true blame.

But I never did, you only saw and heard what made your life easier. 

You were the parents, its YOUR job to save me, your daughter but you never did. 

"Its just easier to agree"

"Oh, well I don't want to lose an old friend"

"Well they not fully wrong"

YOUR WRONG ...

Why is it ok to hurt me just to make your life stay the same and to keep the fake happiness.

Do I not matter enough for you to see as important?

Why stand up for him, lose fake friends and fight for him to have a better life but for me, why did you give my big brother the better life while I stood watching it all.

You left me to handle the harsh blows while you both look the other way.

Why do you yell at me, tell me off when I finally stand up for myself?

Do my pain bring you joy?

Am I even loved by you, the parents who I thought was hero's even if they were normal people?

I grew up, seeing hero's who stood as my mother and my father because you were a hero to him, a son that caused so much trouble.

But when I became the joke of your family, you let me in the cell to take the harsh comments and emotional hits while you joined them.

The blame game, just call it my life. Something goes wrong its my fault .. right?

Why did my only words to you become "Yep, Its my fault" or "Just add it to the blaming list" becuase It was easier to just carry the burden of your hate and anger instead of trying to make you hear me, to see how broken I was.

I hate how I'm already like you, just taking it all on my own instead of fighting because it easier.

Yet, while you turned your backs on me when I needed you the most .. I still fight for you.

A bad word over you both and I'll be protecting you, be defending your without a second thought. So, why could you not do the same for your daughter. 

A victim, I would never call myself a victim becuase that would be admitting defeat and thinking someone else will come along to carry my burden with me.

No one coming, my prince charming or super hero is never coming for me, a fact I learn by six years old. The only person who can save me is me but even I hate me.

Why would I save someone like me?

Just die .. its what I use to tell myself but death is too easy for me.

I asked you to choose one day, I asked god to tell me the answered I wished to hear. I asked God to show mercy even when he turned his back on me long before I could ever speak.

You know what the answer was?

Becuase I wish you never did answer..

Did you want to know how I sat on those stairs holding back my tears and broken heart while listening to you speak with your so called 'friends'.

Why did you never choose me?

I always choose you, my family that I wished to hate but never could.

Why didn't you choose your own daughter?

Did I really bring you so much shame that you never choose me over them?

Maybe that's why I became bitter inside, letting myself turn numb as I knew I could never win.

But I was still foolish even after all the proof was before me because I trusted someone who told me "I want to help you and you alone, no matter what I'm on your side and I'll never tell them".

She told, she told them how I didn't feel important, how I felt like a ghost in that house and how unloved I felt compared to how you act to the rest of  the family.

She told you both, both of you froze and mother cried blaming herself for being a bad mother while father stayed silent.

I felt guilty for how I felt, how they told you the truth to my heart but then we got home and I was remaindered how good of an actors you both are.

Laughing and making jokes over me, instead of making me feel accepted love you just proved I was right.

You weren't upset over how much pain I was in but by how I stained your image, Your family image was ruined because of me and you hated it.

So, you fixed it up like that night never happened and I was a ghost once again. 

So never call me a victim because I will never have the chance of another saving me from this burden.

I hate the word Victim....

Trust me, some souls can't be saved.

Just look me in the eyes can you can see, how much of a bad liar I am when I say "I'm Fine"  but how would you ever see into a ghost eyes. 

I wonder why I could never be what you wanted me to be.

But now you know, I'll set you free from these chains just never look into these eyes.

Eyes of a ....

Love

A Victim of herself..