Spike My Heart

What I Saw

Hinata - Me and Kageyama have been dating for 5 months now. After we won the game against Shiratorizawa he asked me out when we went to celebrate. He stood up on top of the table and asked me out in essence be of the whole team. Of course I said yes.

I have been eyeing Kageyama for a while. At first I hated him but I gradually started to look at him differently. The night I knew I liked him was when we were snuggling on my bed and he kissed me on the forehead. We didn't talk about it, but ever since then we shared kisses and he spooned me. And then he officially asked me out which leads to today.

He's been acting fishy though. About a week ago, he texted me less often. Then I asked him if he wanted to come to my house after school, but he said his mom was in the hospital so he went to go visit her everyday. At first I believed him, but then I saw him walking with someone else. When I called to see if he would answer he looked at the phone and ignored it.

At first I didn't think anything of it and thought maybe he just wanted to hang out with his friend, but he seemed off. So today I decided to follow him. I see him walk off towards the train station and I closely follow. *Why is he heading in the wrong direction from the hospital* I think to myself. I see him meet a guy, to my astonishment it was Oikawa.

My heart started to ache but I had faith in Kageyama. At least I though I did. I follow as I see Kageyama drag Oikawa to a secluded place and he starts to kiss him. Before I know it tear are rolling down my eyes and my heart breaks. They make out for a while and stare into each other's eyes. My feet start moving on their own and all of a sudden my hand has gone across Kageyama's face.

I see him stare at me with his eyes in suprise.

Kageyama - I meet Oikawa at the station. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but 3 months after I confessed to Hinata, Oikawa confessed to me and for some reason I've started to like him too. I drag him in a place where no one can see us and I start to kiss him. His lips are soft and his breath feels hot against mine. We stare into each other eyes. Until someone hits me.

" WHAT THE H..he," I turn, but instead of some stranger it's Hinata. My eyes widen knowing I have fucked up.

He starts to run and my feet move on their own and I start to chase him.

Hinata - I start to run and Kageyama starts to chase after me. I see him get close and closer and he grabs my wrist. He hold me there.

" Hinata wait I'm sorry, I love you and only you," he says to me in his deep voice that I always fall for, but not this time.

" YOU LOVE ME. DID YOU LOVE ME WHEN YOU DECIDED TO KISS HIM. OR WAS YOUR MOM IN THE HOSPITAL A LIE TOO," he nods in response confirming what I had just said.

I run off and run as fast as I can to home. I run to my room past my sister and mom. I take my pencil sharpener and unscrew it to take the blade out. I sneak into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I take my clothes of and sit into the bathtub. I take the blade and place it on my skin. I brush the blade on my skin. Blood droplets appear on my arm.

Tear drops make the blood become clearer and clearer. Pretty soon I lose count and I look down to see a puddle of blood. Before I pass out I manage to turn the water on and wash all the blood down. The water seams through my cuts and make them sting. I wince in pain but keep my composure. I get out of the shower and start to bandage my arms. I put a long sleeve on and sneak back into my room without being seen.

~Time lapse to next day~

I wake up to the alarm clock ringing and I hit it to shut up. I get up and get dressed knowing today was going to be dreadful. I ride my bike to school everyday which is tiring. Class passes by quick. Kageyama tried to talk to me all day but I ignored and tried to avoid him as much as possible. The hardest part was practice. The end of the day came and it was time for practice.

When we change I sneak into the bathroom so no one noticed my scars. I start to hear whispering outside of the bathroom and I try to listen in a little closer.

" Hey yesterday I saw Kageyama with Oikawa and they were making out," I hear Daichi say.
"Really what about Hinata. They were doing good. Hopefully practice doesn't become weird, but I feel bad for Hinata maybe we should do something to cheer him up," Sugamama says.

I walk out of the stall and the catch a glimpse of me as I start to cry they come up to hug me. We stand there for a while until practice is about start. We did a practice game but me and Kageyama kept messing up. They sat us both out and everyone stares over at us to see that the once happy couple wasn't so happy.

After practice finishes Noya pushes me aside saying he has to talk to me.

"So what's going on," Noya asks.
I hesitate for a bit but I am finally able to respond. " Kageyama cheated on me with Oikawa, yesterday I saw them kissing," I say as I break into tears. Noya tries to hug me but I push him off and runaway.

Everyone looks over and pretty soon everyone knows about the situation. I run home and I bump into someone. I look up and I see Oikawa.

" Oh look it's short stack. Kageyama is mine he doesn't even love you. Oh and he was saying how he has never done it with you, but I guess I took his virginity before you did," he says when laughing. He kicks me in the stomach and I roll down the hill into the river. I lay there for a good while with no tears, but just feeling empty and dead inside.

I see Kageyama stare at the top of the hill and he walks down to come help me.

" Here give me your hand," he says to me.
"NO," I say sternly as I slap his hand away.

"Are you still dating him," I ask. He nods his head in response saying yes. I push him and run off. I knew it I'm so fucking stupid. Of course he's going to love someone who plays volleyball better and whos better looking. I'm just a piece of trash.

I make it home and try to act normal and run straight upstairs. I take out my blade and slice my skin repeatedly. With every slice the words ring in my head.

Trash

Useless

Worthless

Stupid

Not good enough

A..and Boke, I start to sob to the though of the last word. Tonight I decided to end it all. I didn't need anyone's pity. It would be better if I wasn't alive. I ride my bike back to school and I tell my mom I'm going to the store as a cover.

I throw my bike aside and run to the rooftop. I climb over the bars and recall all my memories. The time we won the game, the time Kageyama asked me out, and the time he cheated.

" Tonight is the night," I whisper to myself and I let go of the bars.