Desire of Solitude

Beginning of it All

I'm going to share with you the story that forever changed my life and hopefully it will change yours, too. I'm not going to jump straight into things and tell you exactly what happened on that one day. I'm going to start with where the story began. Because like I said life is like dominoes. One thing happens causing everything to collapse, like a chain of events if you will.

Are you ready for this? No? You shouldn't be.

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A young girl about the age of thirteen, sat with her forehead pressed up against the window. To herself she hummed a song that she made up on her own. Around her, her "Clique" chattered on about the newest bands, newest fashion statements, the newest crushes and boyfriends, everything most teenage girls were supposed to talk about. But not her, she was different. She had a different story. One so different nobody could really comprehend. Sure she was dressed in a cheer leading uniform. Sure her hair was freshly died a shade of blond. But that doesn't mean anything. Does it?

Would you hate me if I told you that girl was you? That girl in the "IN" crowd, with all the cheerleading friends, with everyone bowing at your feet? Yeah, that girl was you. Sounds perfect right? Everything you once wanted? No, it's not. If it was, I wouldn't be telling this story.

Well anyways, you sat with your forehead pressed against the bus window humming to yourself. It was obvious that you wished everything would just disappear, all the lies and the secrets, everything. You wished your life was perfect again, that was like asking for the impossible. You were sick of it all. You were tired of all the senseless drama, being mean to everybody just to keep them off of your back. Little did else know, Your life was far from the perfect that people assumed it was.

I sat a couple seats in front of you, my mind in a world of its own. My music was blaring as I stared at the digital clock on the tiny screen. I watched as the time changed. In my head I counted down the seconds until the minute would change again. 44-43-42-41.... My reason as to why I did that still remain unclear. It kept my mind off of other things. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched you. I noticed that your surroundings didn't faze you at all. You were also lost in thought. Part of me wondered whether or not you were also counting the seconds.

24-23-22-21-20-19.....

Forgetting all about the seconds, I studied you. I noticed how your hair looked freshly dyed, the way your dark eyes were vacant and full of emotion. Your eyes alone could tell a million stories. Literally, your eyes were the windows to your soul. The one thing that threw me off though was the bruise on the side of your left wrist, and the single tear streaming down your cheek. I couldn't help but to think of the possible ways you had gotten that bruise. But none of which seemed likely, your life was supposed to be perfect. I guessed it isn't as perfect as it's supposed to be. That and you were hiding a big secret you couldn't risk any one finding out.

The bus came to a halt and you rose out of your seat. I waited until you were off the bus too rise out of my seat and follow you. I wasn't sure why I did, but I followed you. I followed you around every curve and turn. I followed you with no sense of where I was going. I watched as you pulled a black hoodie out of your bag and slipped it over your head, you even pulled the hood up concealing your blond hair. This notion didn't make any sense because it wasn't the slightest bit chilly.

You continued walking. You walked block after block not once bothering to look behind you. Out of nowhere you quickened your pace, one foot after another. You were almost sprinting. I was running directly behind you, struggling to keep up. You ran a whole block, by now we were at the end of the street, a sead end at that. But you kept running. You ran straight into the woods even though a sign at the entrance read, "Keep Out". Still you kept running with a confidence you would only have if you had done many times before.

The longer we ran the more fearful I became of the reason why we were running. I couldn't help but wonder why you ran. Were you running out of fear or excitement, or maybe even both? Did you feel the adrenaline in your veins? Was your heart pounding like a bass? In the end, was it worth it?

You slowed your pace to a walk, I kept my distance so you wouldn't hear heavy my breathing. I watched as a worried look crossed your face, as if the panic had finally stricken. As if confirming my thoughts, you began to pace back and forth slowly turning on your heel as you went. I could feel the anxiety radiating off of you. It was like a magnet that was drawing me closer to you. Strangely. I wanted you to know I was there, that I was even following you like a lion and it's prey. On the inside I knew if you saw me, you would turn away and you would hide and pretend I didn't exists. I didn't want that, I just had to show you I was here.

From behind a voice called your name, and I almost fainted, I thought I had been caught. I saw the excitement light up your face like a firework on new years eve as you ran towards the mysterious voice. The voice belonged to a boy that looked a little under seventeen. Silently, I hoped I wasn't about to witness a murder, or anything really that would cause me to regret it. I watched as you jumped into his arms and he spun you around with ease. It reminded me if a scene from the perfect love movie, a love movie I couldn't name if I tried. From where I stood, I could hear a murmur, a whisper of his voice telling you something along the lines of, "I can't stay long or else they will find me. And I can't take that risk. Listen, I'm leaving. For now, I will just be a figure from your past. I can't tell you where I'm going because they're listening. I can feel it in my gut. I promise I won't let them or anything or anyone else hurt you. If they do, they're going to really wish they hadn't. I swear on my dear life I will keep you safe, from all angles no matter how far away I am. I love you. For always, forever. Please keep that in your mind." Who was this mysterious figure?

He leaned down to kiss your forehead and turn to leave. Walking away a couple steps at a time pausing every so often, to look back and give a sad smile. My head, like the others, shot up when the first siren sounded.