KINK LIST ʲʲᵏ

↻ eight

팔 ┃ ❛❛ I'm tired of apologizing. ❜❜

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I find myself at a loss for words. He's always fooling around, isn't he? Then why does this one sentence sound so heartfelt?

Luckily, the bell rings at that very moment. I take the chance and get up immediately, only to open the door to find my mother's weary form.

"Mom. You're early," I remark as she walks in and plops down on the couch, visibly tired.

"I wasn't feeling well, so I left early," she answers. "Get me some water, will you?"

I turn around to see that Jeongguk has beaten me to it. Strangely enough, even though he's stayed with us for only one week, somehow he knows everyone's habits like he's been with us for ages.

"Thank you, dear." My mother smiles warmly as she takes the glass from his hands. "Is Jimin upstairs?"

"No, actually. He left after lunch because he had some work to do," Jeongguk answers before I can even attempt to.

Normally, I would phrase it as he went out not too long ago in order to not give my mother a heart attack about the fact that Jeongguk and I were alone in the house. But he doesn't know my parents as well as I do and he doesn't know their strict rules of not allowing me to hang out with guys as much as possible, especially after what happened a few months ago; that being the sole reason why I had only one serious boyfriend in my nineteen years of life and zero hookups or flings.

But surprisingly, she doesn't freak out.

When I'm expecting her to at least ask about it, she settles for an "I see."

I know my mother well enough to know that she realized already that we'd been spending time alone together ── more than once at that.

But I obviously didn't know she trusted Jeongguk this much.

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I don't know where things went wrong today.

Was it the unexpected traffic that I had to face, or the red lights that flashed a little more than usual; or was it, as per the words of the fuming woman in front of me, entirely my own fault?

I've shaped myself to be punctual my whole life, always doing things ahead of time. So in no way was I meant to arrive twenty-five minutes after my class had already started in the hands of someone else, only to be met with my seething mentor who just so happened to be expecting the best from me in particular.

And apparently, I also wasn't meant to defend myself with any sort of excuse.

"You aren't new to this, Jiyeon. Do you have any idea of how stressful it is to manage everything on top of a job of your own? No, because you're a long way from that, which is exactly why you need an etiquette course now, not a job," Cho-yun's voice is harsh, venomous even, when she forgets the fact that we're standing in the midst of twenty-something people. "I already have enough on my plate and the last thing I need is a kid coming up to my face, talking back to me, and showing no sincerity towards their freaking job."

Her words hit straight to my heart, each one leaving a deeper gash than the previous. Even when a few gasps resonate from around me and some of the others get to their feet to calm down Cho-yun, I feel them ringing in my ear. Almost everyone is astounded by the fact that the glacial armour that the elder always wore around her composition, the one that kept her collected even in the midst of insane pressure, has gone as far to collapse today, so it takes a while for someone to take her away and come up to me.

"Hey, please don't take her words to the heart. She's just under a lot of pressure." I look up to the source of the deep voice and find Chan-woo, one of the eldest amongst us. I have to turn back to the ground quickly, however, feeling my eyes stinging from the tears that haven't taken long to appear.

Cho-yun was right. Pathetic and insincere is all I am at the moment.

"Jiyeon? Don't let this get to you, okay?" Chan-woo tries to comfort me again. But I can see through it all; the pity that stands behind his walls is too prominent to hide. "Go wash your face a little, maybe? Grab something from the vending machine? You can fill in after the first break."

"But I'm already late," I say, trying my best to keep my voice from trembling.

"Yes, so there's no point in going in now, right?" He offers me a small smile. "There's only fifteen minutes till the first break anyway; the classes started a little late today. So, go and don't worry about it."

All I can do is bring myself to nod.

Not even a second has passed before Chan-woo says again, "You know Cho-yun, she'll come around. She adores you the most amongst us, so naturally expects the most from you, too. Even as one of the youngest ones here, you work so amazingly that she can't let one mistake slide. Please don't feel bad."

I try to muster a smile. "Thank you, Chan-woo. You're really kind."

Away from his eyes, the smile falters, the words ringing yet again in my head. The idea of just bawling my eyes from a reprimand seems pathetic; to actually be in that situation feels even more so.

But I still make sure that no tears escape; months of practice have resulted in that, at least.

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I can't tell how long I've stared at the phone in front of me, contemplating whether I should respond. The texts I have been receiving from half an hour ago are still plastered on the screen, and I find myself incapable of pushing down the weight in my stomach. It's not one of those days, I tell myself. It can't be.

All I want to do at the moment is drive someplace devoid of footsteps and murmurs and sit there for as long as I can. But deep inside, I know that the only thing that will induce is the bile rising up to my throat. And so, I grab my phone and finally return the call.

"Jiyeon, why haven't you been picking up your phone?"

The tone of her voice is full of accusation, something I've already dealt with too much today. It makes me regret calling almost then and there. At this rate, I'll probably end up saying something that I'll regret for a long time.

"I thought we were meeting up today? How can you just stand me up at the eleventh hour? Now people think I'm waiting for my missing boyfriend."

"I have my own reasons, Han," I manage, gripping the steering wheel tight as her tone of words pushes the wrong button.

"Yeah, and it wouldn't hurt to tell me some of them at times. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do? Have shabu-shabu on my own?"

I find myself replying through gritted teeth, "Yes, I'd appreciate it if you could do that and leave me alone for a while."

"God, Yeon, why can't you just apologize like a normal person?"

Whatever control I had over my temper disappears at that. "Because I'm tired of apologizing. It's been a hell of a long day, and I would appreciate it if you could fuck off and leave me alone."

Three mechanical beeps follow, providing company to my silent regrets.

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becoming too
mundane? :") 

i promise it
gets better ♡