Pretend

T W E N T Y - T H R E E

When I said that Jace and I needed to talk, I didn't mean that we should just stare at each other intensely. However, that's exactly what Jace and I are doing now. We're just staring at each other, waiting for someone to break the silence.

I know I should be the who should talk first. After all, I did initiate this 'talk'. It's just that, I have no idea what to say to him. Every time I open my mouth to utter something, I just end up closing it again.

"So...?" Jace finally said after what felt like a million years.

"Um..." I trailed, racking my brain for something to say.

"About Saturday..." Jace said while at the same time I said, "I think..."

We looked at each other and said at the same time, "No, you first."

"Summer..."

"Jace..."

"Okay fine, I'll go first," Jace told me.

"Good."

He scratched his head. "I don't know how to say this," he told me truthfully. "But I think..."

"Yeah?"

"That we should just stay as friends."

I felt my heart shatter into a million, tiny pieces. Jace broke my heart just by saying those seven words. I would've much rather be punched than hear Jace say those words because a punch would've probably hurt lesser. One good thing that came out of this though, is that, I am now enlightened about my feelings for Jace. I clearly don't want Jace to be my friend. I want him to be something more. I want to be able to call him 'mine'. Because let's face it...

I'm in love with Jace.

I don't exactly remember falling for him. I just remember suddenly wanting to see him everyday and missing him when I don't. I just remember how just by seeing and talking to him, my whole world lights up. I just remember how I hated that girlfriend he had last time and wished it was me, but I brushed it off as just feeling protective towards my best friend. I just remember how all I wanted to do was kiss him and only him but excused it as teenage hormones.

I was in love with Jace all this time. But I ignored it because I was afraid that I would get hurt in the end. I was afraid that it would end our friendship in bad terms.

And boy, did my fears come true.

I got hurt. And although it didn't exactly end our friendship, I feel like this ordeal was going to make our friendship weak. The strong foundation that we built our friendship on was going to be wasted just because of one stupid mistake. I hope though, that in time, Jace and I will get pass this and return to normal.

I wanted to argue with Jace. I wanted to tell him that he couldn't just say that he was in love with me and then tell me that he just wanted to be friends with me. I wanted to tell him how I really felt but then I thought, maybe he really thought about this. Maybe he just said that he was in love with me in the heat of the moment. Maybe he really wasn't in love with me and that my feelings for him weren't reciprocated.

So I did what I had to do and told him, "Okay."

"What did you want to tell me, Summer?" Jace suddenly asked.

"I wanted to tell you the same thing," I lied.

Truthfully, I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him and we should give being a couple a try. However, we didn't seem to be on the same page, so I didn't see a point in telling him the truth because one rejection is enough for a person to handle in one day.