Because Of You

I Can't Be Fixed

TW- this story contains self-harm, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and abuse.

Emmett's POV

     I awoke to my alarm going off. I pick up my phone and see that it's seven twenty in the morning. My phone continued the alarm until I turned it off.

I slid out of bed and opened up my dresser. I put on black ripped jeans, and a long gray sweatshirt to cover last night's markings on my forearm.

My body froze as I heard my father leaving the house. Last night played through my mind as I remembered the horror of events my father did to me.

I quickly ran out of the house with my backpack flung over my shoulder. I can't be late to school. I don't think I could do another beating like last night.

Once I arrived at school, I noticed the one person I hate the most. His name is Conner. This boy has been beating me up before school, and after lunch break, ever since my first year of high school. I sigh and walk up to the front of the school, immediately accepting my fate.

"Hey it's the fag, do you like it when you dad gives you head." He said the last part as more of a statement than a question. I just looked down at my feet, with the same bland expression planted on my face.

Conner gripped my wrist tightly, I could feel him breaking open a few of my cuts. "Why the fuck don't you answer me." I fell to the ground as he kneed my stomach. I flinched when he raised his fist before punching my jaw. Before I could react he punched me again, and again, and again, until he was satisfied with his work. "That's what you get for being a fag." He said as he walked into the school building.

By the time I got to my feet, the first bell rang, telling me that I need to get to class in the next three minutes. I quickly walked to my locker and put my bag away. Luckily I made it to my first class before the second bell rang.

English class is the only thing that keeps me semi sane at this point, but today was different. My teacher Mr.Lakes told us that we had to write in a journal every day, we have to write about our day, and what happened. He would be grading us on it at the end of the year. I really didn't want to have another thing to have to deal with on a daily basis.

My mouth dropped as he said,

"This will be 70% of your grade." What the actual fuck. I can hardly get some of my school work done in one week, because of my time being occupied by my father after school.

I was lucky if I could get one assignment done after my father finished with me early the next morning, leaving me sleepless throughout the rest of the day until I probably blacked out from being tired and my father beating me until I can't handle it anymore.

I can't even be mad at my father. I deserve everything he has done to me. It's my fault my mom was dead. I shouldn't have been born.

Why did I have to make her bleed out? I was only in the world for a few minutes before my mom bled out because of me. My father was right, I shouldn't have been born, why can't I just die? Why can't he just kill me already?

I deserve every beating and every punishment I get.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the bell ring, indicating that class was already over.

I didn't even realise that I was drawing in my notebook the whole time. It was a heart with blood pouring out of it.

I closed my notebook and slowly got out of my seat, everyone was already gone.

I flinched as a hand touched my shoulder. I looked up to see Mr. Lake looking at me with  concern in his eyes. I couldn't even try to make a small smile. I just keeped on my bland straight face.