Prologue:
It was the 12th day of May when I did something I never thought I would do; I was parked outside a substance abuse facility.
Not for myself, but for my ex-junkie of a mother.
Well, hopefully after today "ex" will actually be included in her introduction.
The day was one of those that every individual yearned for in Northern Wisconsin. The type of day that produced weather that had me squeezing my partially wide ass into last year's summer shorts. My windows were all the way down as music echoed through the old speakers of my beat-up Jeep Wrangler. I sat cross-legged on the driver's seat, while I repeatedly tapped the steering wheel to the music, staring at a huge building that looked more like a prison than a rehabilitation center. I suppose that rehab in its own way was similar to a mini prison, but instead of recess, institutions, and guards, there are group meetings, step work, and sponsors.
Very ironic and metaphoric in my opinion.
As I gazed up at the colossal building, I began thinking of what leads people here. Curiosity? Bad luck? Mental illness? I suppose anything, really. For my mom, it was shortly after my father left her. According to my mother, he ran off with a much younger, more successful woman. She was a cycling instructor at my father's gym and they had been seeing each other shortly before my fourth birthday. One day my mom came home to a nearly empty house since he had packed up all his belongings and moved out. Neither of us ever figured out where he moved to or even if he was still alive. To be honest, I didn't really care. Since I only remember flashing images of him, one thing that stuck with me was his eyes. His eyes were the brightest green I have ever seen. They reminded me of a vivid neon sign hanging on the outside of a dive bar in town. My mom always said I got my eyes from him, along with my smart ass mouth.
After that day she spent a lot of time in and out of bars, trying to fill the void of his abstinence. This is where she met Wisconsin's very own smooth-talking Jason Humphrey, an unemployed, slim ball that smelt like a stale bag of Funyuns. As I grew up, I never fully understood what she saw in him, but I guess Beyonce married Jay-Z after all.
Jason was the one that introduced her to heroin and that is how I ended up sitting outside this building awaiting my mom's arrival.
Surprisingly, I had been in an oddly giddy mood considering I was picking up the only family member I had left from a 12-week sober program. It was probably the warmth of the spring and the utter shock of still being able to fit into my summer attire. The warmth always brought back happier memories, before this mess. When everyone in my hometown looked at me normally and didn't pity my mom and I. Today felt new. Today felt refreshing. I just hoped I was right.
At this point I gazed at the automatic doors placed at the front of the building, examining the people that poured out with anticipation. It was 1:30 and she was supposed to be picked up fifteen minutes ago. Was I at the right place? Was I supposed to pick her up on a different day? Did she go rogue and escape and no one told me? Every time the doors would open a knot in my stomach would grow larger.
Open.
Close.
The knot grew bigger.
Open.
Close.
The knot might burst.
Open.
Close.
I might throw up.
I look down at my lap and let out a sharp exhale as I attempted to tame the swirl of emotions floating into my throat. I couldn't tell if I was nervous that she could come out any minute or the fact that she might be the same jacked-up addict she was when she came here. I breathe in and out a couple of more times just to ensure that I am not going to pass out. I run my hand through my hair and start adjusting the air conditioning to the maximum setting when I catch the doors widening again.
Open.
Close.
A lady walked out of the doorways draped in an oversized sweater. She was skinny; however, not fragile or delicate. Her wavy hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, and her lips were pressed into a tight smile. The woman raised both of her arms and waved them obnoxiously around in the air. The afternoon sun hit her face as she walked further towards me. She was glowing. Holy shit. The lady walking was my mother. My mother was glowing.
A smile creeps onto my lips as I wave to her and proceed to exit my car. I slam the car door behind me and start to walk in her direction. She speeds up and we both begin floating off the ground with how fast we are running. Finally, I slam into her to embarrass her with a tight hug. She smells good, so good. She smelt like home.
"Hello, you beautiful little lady," she said with excitement.
"Hi, Momma," I whispered. A single tear escaped my eye and fell onto her red sweater as if that tear held all of the emotions pitted in my stomach that had now been released from me. I pull away from her and admired her face. "Let's go home." I utter. "We have a lot to catch up on."
"Can we at least stop for a burger and ice cream on the way home? Their food tasted like dog shit." I let out a laugh as we both climb into the vehicle.
"No," I say teasingly and grin in her direction. She smiles and lifts her middle finger at me, flipping me off.
"You know, you sure are a smart ass." She declared as we pulled out of the parking lot. She beamed with a smile as she turned the radio up. "I love this song!" she exclaimed with excitement.
She began snapping along to the song and swaying side to side in her seat. It made my body flush with joy. I loved seeing her that way. The way she used to be before dope took over her life. For a moment, I felt something bubble in me that I hadn't felt in a really, really long time.
Hope.
