Chasing the Cure and Other Stories

Terms and Conditions

I was greeted with the sharp, piercing crash of porcelain on marble as the cup fell out of my hand. It was my body but it felt unreal. For a moment, I could only stand paralyzed, shifting my gaze to the mosaic of coffee and shards on the ground. I was tapped on the shoulder.

"Mr. Camus?" it was Nurse Aidala. I turned my head to look at her, my neck had never felt so taut. 

"When am I?" I asked. Excited, Aidala glanced at her phone.

"It's 3 p.m. on the twenty-first of December, 2094," she beamed. She was still holding the vials of poison that would kill me an hour later, allowing my soul to travel back in time.  

"That's too short!" I exclaimed furiously. "I wanted to go back forty years! Not one hour!"

"But... it worked?" asked Aidala, stubbornly keeping her smile.

"Well, yeah, but it's clearly not enough! I knew I shouldn't have been first."

There were so many other candidates. Serial killers, animal abusers, people that society wanted gone. Their negative karma would surely earn them rebirths as insects or some miscellaneous arthropods. Why they had not been given a chance to relive their lives was beyond me. Was my crime of being the prodigal son worse than the crime of making children motherless, or was I simply seen as deserving of a second chance by the powers that be?

"Something must have happened in the next hour that caused a problem with the retro-reincarnater," it was Dr. Chow, the lead scientist. She had heard the commotion and rushed over.

"The machine has some fail-safes to prevent irreparable damage to the timestream. Mr. Camus, can you think of anything that you will do that might have caused this issue? Anything at all?"

"Wha... No! I believe I'll be signing some waivers in about five minutes then after that it's just the lounge, enjoying my last moments in this life!" I protested, annoyed.

"Think carefully, Mr. Camus. This is your second and last chance. If we don't find the problem in the next hour, your soul will depart your body and be subject to the natural laws of karma and reincarnation."

I felt panic rise in my chest. Oh crap... breathe... 

I calmed myself down. Even if things went south, I might still meet my parents in the next life and be the doting son that I never was. Reincarnation has been known to work that way. I needed a clear mind.

"Can you help me?" I asked Dr. Chow, tempering my tone.

"You said you were going to sign some waivers? I'll follow you."

###

Who would have thought that clicking 'Next' and typing my initials could be a matter of life and death? The three of us gathered around the monitor as we read through every sentence and nuance. I was a fast reader, but this time, I made sure the other two had finished reading before I touched the mouse. I didn't think any of this was important. Why would the affairs of the future concern me when I'm back enjoying my childhood? Even on this last lifeline, I felt the whole thing was silly. I wish I was wrong.

"I think that's it," said Aidala, pointing to a line near the bottom of the screen. Subject must agree to KarmaLlama's terms and conditions.

"Did you read that?" asked Chow.

"Well, no! I thought that was just some formality. Do you read privacy agreements?" I made it evident that I was baffled.

"Click it," she replied, unmoved. A pop-up window appeared as I did so, and we all fixed our gazes on the words, looking for whatever was stopping me from reliving my life. 

"Oh no... " Chow grimaced.

'Subject agrees to pay KarmaLlama twenty percent of their after-tax salary during the first ten years of their new working life. Failing to agree would block subject's access to the full benefits of  the Re-live program.'

"What... the... hell..." I muttered under my breath. KarmaLlama was the company that had provided the retro-reincarnater. It was a devious ploy. Hide this clause under the rug where no one would think to look, give them a taste of the consequences before they even know what's happening, scare them into feckless submission. 

 Capitalism! 

"I don't understand... " Aidala spoke up, her voice wavering. "KarmaLlama was founded only a year ago. How's Mr. Camus supposed to pay them from the past?"

"Not them," replied Chow, baring her disgust. "Their ancestors. The CEO of KarmaLlama had started other companies before, all of them collapsing within a few years. He wants to use future money to bail them out, making him even richer than he is now. I suspect you'll be given instructions... and threats from the future the moment you land your first job."

I glared at the two of them angrily, tears welling up in my eyes.

"How did you not know anything about this?" 

"I'm sorry. We should have been more careful about who we were working with," said Chow, hanging her head in shame. 

"What do you want to do now?" asked Aidala, her youthful curiosity still showing despite her shock. 

I had half an hour left, quite a bit of time. I motioned that I wanted to be alone, to think. I could just go to my next life and hope that I'll be able to make it up to my parents' new incarnations, but my karma levels can't guarantee that I will come back as something human, or even intelligent. Or I could agree to the terms, correct my past mistakes, and make my parents proud, give them the love they deserve for raising me. However, I will become a fiscal slave to a very greedy man. 

Man, karma's a ... I'd better not even think it, I'm in enough trouble as it is.