Book ideas and Writing Tips

How to: Show not Tell

There is one thing that separates having a book that transports readers to different worlds and just a mediocre story. The author shows the story instead of tells the story. 

Let's bring this back. Which one sounds the most appealing?

1. I ran my fingers through his dark hair. 

2. My fingers glided through his thick chocolate locks. 

So, option 2 sounds the most appealing. It's appealing because the reader can almost feel the guy's hair. This is a really basic example but it shows how simple it is to elevate your writing. 

"Showing" the reader is more like putting them into the story. Add sensory details that describe the surroundings so that the reader feels like a character in the story. When you just tell the reader, it seems like the reader is just watching everything. They aren't as engaged into the scenes that you describe or the characters that you try to developed. 

Example (version 1): Yun's knees hit the ground as the dark smoke continued to rise into the starry night. Teardrops swelled and rolled down his face as he sat there in silence. silence. The only thing that could be heard was calm chirping of crickets by the overgrown pond. Yun sat. He sat there until his friends had to grip his stained shirt and drag him away from the lonesome cherry blossom tree. The only thing that remained were the two graves. Chipped and poorly made. Many villagers would overlook the pathetic graves, rather to focus on the dirt path that lead to the market or the pond that held an abundance of fish. But for Yun, those two gaves maked his failure as a father and husband. 

Break down:

"hit the ground," "dark smoke," "starry night," "swelled and rolled down," "calm chirping," "overgrown," "stained shirt," "lonesome," "chipped," "poorly made," "pathetic," "dirt path," "abundance."

All of these adjectives allowed for the example to "show" the reader the story and not tell. When reading, you can see yun kneeled down crying. You can almost hear the crickets chirping. You envision the cherry blossom tree. You can see the dirth path and the pond in the distance. You see two graves that are old and worn down. 

Skeptical? Lets rewrite the example without showing the reader. 

Example (version 2): Yun kneeled as smoke rose into the night sky. He cried while everything was silent. only crickets could be heard. Yun sat there until his friends dragged him away. Two old graves remained under the cherry blossom tree. Many people did not pay attention to the graves. They went to the market or fished. For Yun, those were the graves of his wife and kids. 

In this version, you're telling the reader that Yun is crying. Telling that it is quiet. Telling that there are two graves. Telling that there is a dirt path and pond. 

When showing a reader, there is more of a connection between the reader and the book. By simply telling the reader instead, weakens that connection and makes the story less interesting. Be honest, the first version of Yun was much more pleasing to read and more engaging than the second version. 

In the first version, it felt like you were right next to Yun and had a stong idea of the setting. In the second version, you still had the setting, but it was less detailed and more difficult to get a clear picture. 

Clarity will help you to show not tell. 

           Josh went down the street. 

Who's josh? What is he wearing? What time of day? What is his emotion? Is he running? Walking? Why is he going down the street? How long is the street? Is he going towards something or fleeing? 

Answering questions like those will help clarify the situation/setting and help show the reader instead of just telling the reader that he went down the street. 

Lvl 1 - The redheaded boy strolled through the neighborhood to clear is mind about his abusive father. 

Lvl 2 - The mysterious redheaded boy strolled through the neighborhood at night to clear his mind about his father that got drunk every night. 

Lvl 3 - The mysterious redheaded boy strolled through the quiet neighborhood at midnight to calm his anger about his alcoholic father who would come home every night drunk and hit his mom. 

All examples tell you that he's going down the street but lvl 1, 2, and 3 elevate the sentence to clarify why he's going down the street and build the character of Josh. Because of Lvl3, we now know that it's midnight, its in a quiet neighborhood, Josh is angry, his father is an alocholic and His father hits his mom. You could fit all those details in one sentence to really build up the story or you could just say that he went down the street. 

Overall Showing instead of Telling will:

- elevate the overall sentence

- gives more details

- more room to add character development

- engages the reader

- makes the story come to life