hi , it has been a long time seen i uploaded something .
i watched an anime , quite depressing actually .
its about an amateur band that just got a vocalist . and I am fascinated about this vocalist .
this vocalist , he lost his lover which is his childhood friend because of one phrase that he said while they were arguing .
" will you die for me , then ?! "
and his lover killed herself .
and after that incident , the vocalist - now i refer to him as S . S had never cried once after that incident because he doesnt know how to feel or what to do . he's clueless . he's bad at conveying feelings .
ok wha- i dont know why i just told you guys all this , but after i watched the anime . i felt lonely , im now aware of a gaping hole inside of me . and i dont know what to do . in some ways , somehow , me and S have something in common . we're both clueless . we both , are bad at conveying feelings . we both , are waiting for someone to save us .
but me and S do have differences , like how now , he is saved . he moved forward while im , still stuck with my past . S , he faced his emotions , rather than me , i run from them . im a coward .
i need to focus on myself . i need to improve myself . i need to face my emotions . i need to settle things with my past . i need to stop focusing on giving satisfaction to others . i need to find enjoyment in everything . i need to stop whining . i need to shut everything down , take a rest , and focus only on myself . i need to do that . i need to pull myself back . i need to sort myself out .
i need to save myself .
because im the only one that can do that for me .
for myself .
