Wannabe (Inanimate Insanity Fanfiction)

Get Your Act Together, We Could Be Just Fine

When Pepper finds OJ, he is sitting by the pool and reading a dumb book, as usual. She stomps over him and stands deliberately, so her shadow falls on him.

She is above him, as always.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that ignoring her would never work. He sighs and lowers his book. "Er, hi? Do you mind moving? I can't read with you here."

"We need to, like, talk."

"Okay... is right here fine, or would you rather go somewhere private?"

Pepper taps herself in thought. The pool is, at the moment, surrounded by a lot of people. The Cherries are mischievously eyeing Cheesy (who's lounging on an inflatable raft), and Pickle and Tissues are having a onesided conversation in the hot tub. Test Tube is following Knife around, explaining something nerdy (and, like, completely boring). Pepper doesn't know nor care what they might be talking about, but Tissues isn't sneezing at least. (She doesn't really care, as long as he isn't sneezing. If Salt were there, Pepper would throw Tissues out. Her heart melts at the thought of protecting her girlfriend...)

"Here is fine," Pepper replies, then sits at the foot of his chair. "I just need to, like, borrow something."

"What," he closed his book, "do you need?"

"Well... it's nothing too big..." Pepper deliberates. "Just a million dollars."

"What?! Why?"

"I, like, need to buy something."

OJ raises an eyebrow. "I got that. What do you need to buy?"

"Nosy, much?"

OJ glares. "If I lend you money, I have the right to know where it's going. For all I know, you could be buying drugs."

'Maybe he has a point. Even if he's, like, stupid and ugly.' Pepper crosses her arms. "It's an engagement ring."

OJ stares at her in shock for a moment, then laughs, dumbfounded. "What?"

"You heard me. Unless you don't know what that means?" Pepper

"But you aren't even dating anyone."

"You don't know anything."

"Who are you dating?"

Pepper sings, "It's time for a guessing game~"

"Ugh. Uhhhh... Bomb?" Pepper shakes her head at OJ's foolish guess. "Nickel? No wait, don't tell me... Pickle?"

"Gamers aren't my type."

"..Salt?"

"Ding ding ding! You deserve a prize. But I don't feel like getting one for you..."

OJ looks alarmed. "You can't be serious. Salt confessed to me literally five hours ago. You were there!"

Pepper narrows her eyes. "I don't like your tone. But listen here, Juicy, I know what I, like, want. There's no reason to play games and not get married ASAP."

"Let's back this up," he says. "Let's pretend that marrying someone after one day isn't completely mental. If I lent you the money, how would you repay me? Neither of you works or- even does chores, come to think of it."

"Well, we were thinking of, like, getting people to pay us for just being celebrities. That worked out really well for-"

"You're not fan favorites," he interrupts.

"Ugh! Well, I don't care. You can make the money back. Or you can, like, give it to us as a wedding gift, or whatever."

OJ rolls his eyes. "I don't even have a million dollars. None of you guys are paying to stay here, so our only revenue is from media odds and ends, which ALL goes towards the hotel's upkeep. I don't have the money."