A Glimpse Into My Thoughts

See you soon

Ohio: December 29, 2013

I stand outside in just a t-shirt and shorts, while it's snowing and below zero.

I walk around the yard, embracing the cold.

I hear a sound, the sound of a pick-up truck.

Thinking it's my dad, I wait beside the drive way.

The truck pulls in but what I see is truly shocking.

It's not my father but my uncle T.

I run to the truck and motion him to roll down the window.

When he does, I pull him into a hug tightly as if I'm imagining this.

I release him, he told me he was waiting for my dad.

He also said I should go inside, because I'll get a cold.

So I went inside and watched him through the window.

I still can't believe I got to see him before I headed back home.

After a few hours, he left so I watched him leave while standing beside the driveway.

His truck got smaller and smaller till I couldn't see it no more.

Three months later, something happens.

I walk out of school with my friends, I say goodbye.

I get in my mom's car, I noticed she looked tense.

So I asked what was wrong, but I wasn't prepared for the words that fell past her lips.

A massive heart attack, it happened to someone who I thought I'd see the upcoming summer.

Why did it have to happen to Uncle T?

I didn't cry in front of my mom or nobody.

I digested her words and processed everything through.

I asked her if he had a chance of living, she said maybe.

So we prayed and prayed...and prayed.

I told my friends what was going on so they wouldn't question me why I've been quiet lately.

I never cried till the day he was took off life support, the day he died.

March 13, 2014.

I waited till I was in my room to cry, so my mom wouldn't see how affected I was.

He was 36 years old.

I also cried because I knew I couldn't see him one last time before they sent him 6 feet under.

I begged my mom to drive me to Ohio but she told me I had school and a 12-hour drive is too long.

I cursed school and everyone around me.

I sat alone in the library because I couldn't stand people being happy around me.

I wanted to scream, yell and curse everyone in the damn school.

My friends had no clue what was wrong because they forgot.

They forgot what I told them, but they won't forget their weekend plans.

So, I didn't tell them my uncle died because they give no damn.

I stopped talking to people and isolated myself in my room.

I'd open old photographs just to look at him because I know I won't ever get a hug again.

"I'm a mean person", my mother said that to me one day.

I told her I don't care and I don't care about her or anyone.

I don't give a damn about anyone anymore since no one gave a damn about him.

I'm far too gone, my heart has harden.

- n.s.