attenuated | moshi/soongyu

thirteen

    the last time mingyu's heart was broken, it didn't hurt this hard. sure, he was still in pain, but soonyoung just made him feel different. no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop feeling like his insides were melting from the pain in his heart. god,  all the time he spent thinking soonyoung felt the same  , , , was it all a waste? what happened? 

   he suppressed the urge to run into soonyoung's room and beg him to tell him why he rejected mingyu. it was unusually quiet on the other side, and for a second he wondered if soonyoung was sulking just as he was. mingyu shook the thought away, convincing himself that soonyoung was asleep again, or had gone out. 
 

  soonyoung was, in fact, still home, staring at his own reflection, running the tips of his fingers against mingyu's faded shirt he was still wearing.

  he turned away and plopped himself on the floor again, head resting on the rough wall. he shut his eyes, breath heavy and  mind clouded. he felt like such a coward. just as he thought he was moving forward again, jihoon popped into his mind again. did he still have feelings for jihoon? no, that's not it. he knows that the reason was his own nervous reaction. he was brave when he came to many things, but not with feelings like these. 

  not with his ever-growing affection for mingyu. 

  the sudden question just had him drawing a blank. in the moment, his fight or flight response was to flee. what a stupid idea. he felt helpless, like he had ruined his only chance with mingyu. how was he supposed to face him again after he had broken his heart?

   soonyoung pitied himself. pitied how dumb he acted and how dumb he sounded right now, sitting on the floor when he could walk next door and apologize. 

  he banged his head on the wall, flailing kicks into the air to let out his frustration. he pushed out another heavy breath, beginning a rhythm of his skull against the drywall.

  it seemed he had forgotten mingyu could hear him, because as he continued, mingyu ran from his room to the floor adjacent to the sound. he flattened his palm and felt the vibrations. he placed his own head on the wall, banging it in tandem with soonyoung's.

  soonyoung practically twitched away from the wall, turning to stare as the knocking continued. he opted to use his fist instead of his head this time, punching against it, where they both hit at the same time.

  mingyu flinched away at the impact, holding the back of his head and watching single flakes of wall fall from the fresh dent. he cursed out loud rubbing at his skull in a futile attempt to fade the pain.

  soonyoung had hurt himself a bit worse. his knuckles burned red, not scraped but still sore. sighing again, he ran his thumb against the hole his knuckles left.
 
  he sniffled a bit, his eyes flooding with emotion. what a sight to behold, a grown man weeping in front of a wall he punched because he can't confront his crush.

mingyu turned away from his own hand, hearing the small whimpers from the other side.

  "soonyoung?" he received no answer, "soonyoung?!" he tried again, a bit more panicked at the increase in weeps.

  he pushed himself to his feet, running to the door where he carelessly open and slammed the door. to his surprise and relief soonyoung's door was unlocked. he pushed it roughly to see soonyoung with his head on the wall still, his cheeks red and glistening with tears.

  mingyu slammed the door behind him, falling to his knees and holding soonyoung in his arms. soonyoung wrapped his own arms around mingyu's neck, soaking the taller's neck in tears. they sat together for a while; mingyu rubbing soonyoung's back while the other hiccuped his cries.

  soonyoung finally calmed after a while, taking slow breaths as he was surrounded by mingyu's scent. he slid his hands down to gripped the front of mingyu's shirt, still never moving his head away from his neck.

  "i'm sorry," it came out so faint it sounded like a breath.

  mingyu rested his chin on the smaller's head, "no, don't apologize. i put you in a difficult place when i knew you just got out of a relationship. i'm sor-"

  "no!" he interrupted, raising his head back up to face him, "mingyu i like you so much, , , more than i've liked anyone else, , , i never meant to hurt your feelings i was in shock that you felt the same and i panicked. please forgive m-"

mingyu shut him down by kissing him roughly, pulling away just as quickly, "i'm so happy. i'm so happy you told me how you feel. don't ever feel bad about your emotions ever again okay? i'll be here to listen to you."

  soonyoung initiated another kiss, holding mingyu's head between his hands.

  "mingyu."

  "yes?"

  "will you be my boyfriend?"

  mingyu smiled wide, pressing a kiss to soonyoung's forehead, "do i even have to answer that?"

  soonyoung pouted playfully, "yes you do!"

  mingyu laughed at the cute display, "okay, yes soonyoung, i will be your boyfriend."

  soonyoung held up his pinky, "promise?"

  the taller interlocked his finger with soonyoung's, "of course mr.danceypants."

  soonyoung laughed at the name, leaning back into mingyu's chest and wrapping his arms around his waist, "you can't leave me okay? you're my private property."

mingyu enveloped him again, kissing the top of his head, "i will never leave you soonyoung."