A MiLiOn reasons

V&Jace

After each session, I take a shower. I scrub vigorously. My tub becomes filthy with my sweat and my shame. I wish I could stay here; swallowed by the thick steam. It hides my many imperfections. 

I stare in the mirror for a moment in time wishing the memories away.

The bathroom door creaks open 

"Are you ok?" mom asked 

"yea" I responded 

I can taste the dishonesty of every syllable; but even that's a test, constantly aware of it all.

Are you ok? how are you? even whats up?

"Yes",  *forced smile* 

"I'm good" 

"I'll be heading over to Jace's soon; I said, there was no point in hiding it...she'd find out any way she always did.   

"Va-" 

I cut her off before she could finish 

"I'll be back soon; I promise!" 

she shook her head and nodded; knowing there was no point in stopping me. 

I walked past my Toyota Yaris, deciding it would be more efficient to take the bus.  

After the ride over to Jace's neighborhood, I stood under the beam of the sun feeling the summer heat causing small beads of sweat under my navy hoody. I made my way over towards the rows of houses of similar build skipping past the house with the 'sold' sign' and heading over to a modest home at the end of the street near a rose bush.   I quickly knocked on the burnt orange door. 

Jace's mom opened the door. giving her a small smile I headed upstairs to Jace's room. 

Jace wrapped his arms around me giving me a warm reassuring kiss on my cheek. Lifting me up easily we went over to the recliner near the small tv; we held on to each other.

"Vanilla..." Jace asked softly; I pretended to have fallen asleep but Jace tried again. 

"Vanilla baby...I know you're awake" 

"yea?" I finally responded 

Jace placed a kiss on my head of curls.

"I'm going away for a bit-"

"you're leaving me?" I interrupted 

"Baby-"

"No" I tried pulling out of his arms 

but he held on to me tighter 

"Vanilla baby please listen" Jace tried to reason with me

"F-you Jace," I said exasperatingly 

I tried to pulling away again but this time Jace managed to flip me on to my back

Jace lifted my face to look up at him; he looked a mixture between being frustrated and conflicted.

"I would never leave you...I-" 

"I care too much about you"

I looked up at him "you do?"

Jace shyly smiled and kissed my lips "yea-I do"

I licked my lips "oh.." 

"So where are we going?" I asked 

Jace smirked shaking his head.

"I will only be for a couple of months Vanilla"

"Ok-when are we leaving?"

Jace sighed 

"Vanilla...you can't come" 

"But why?"..."you just said-"

"I'll be back in time for your graduation...By that time I'll have something ready for us in L.A"

"I don't need any of that Jace... I want us"

" I need to be able to give you something to look forward to baby"  

"I can't stay here anymore V; not after what that man did to Nico"

"and you think I can?-He was my friend too Jace," I said pushing at his chest 

Jace held my hands back "I know V... I know"