Talking 'bout plagues

They just appeared out of nowhere. Thousands of locusts came out of the horizon and, sooner than later, they were everywhere: in the wind that hit us in our faces; in the crops surrounding us; in our town, where we came from; in Ricardo Valtierra's mansion, were we were going.

To drive away the plague, some people made noise with pans, hoes, spurs or even guns and gunshots; some other sprayed the crops with salt or holy water, but most of them prayed, and they were yelling their players to overcome the locust's screeches.

"HOLY FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN..."

There were a group of exterminators in front of us. Each one of them was carrying a pesticide tank and didn't use it.

"Hey," I yelled at them, "why aren't you fumigating? We need those crops."

One of those exterminators turned towards me.

"Hey, jackass, first: father Carlos told us to only use holy water. Second: don't tell us what to do: you haven't done shit. Y third: this is all your fault."

"Look, you fuck", I thought, "don't you ever speak to me that way, 'cause you don't know who you're dealing with. And how's this my fault? It's not like I brought the locust here. Fuck off".

"Al least fumigate one part of the crops," I said.

"What for?" The farmer took some corn on the floor and shook the locusts off. It was really dry.

"Now you're gonna blame me for this? It's not my fault it hasn't rained this year", I thought, but I said:

"Let's eat the locusts, then."

"Don't even think about it," father Carlos approached us. "We can't eat those; they're cursed."

"Come the fuck on", I thought. "There's so much fucking hunger around. It's not the time to be fucking picky".

"Ok," I said, "we can make some deals with the neighbor towns."

"HOLY FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN..."

"Don't worry," said father Carlos. "God blessed us with Ricardo Valtierra. He'll help us."

"And why doesn't my pla here help us instead?" The gallero put his hand on my shoulder. "He's just here walking and walking with us, but besides that, he's isn't doing shit."

"And what have you done? Fucking hypocrite", I thought.

"We don't need our pal to help us," replied father Carlos. "Yet."

"What can I do?" I thought. "Can't you see we're already fucked?"

"Sure," I said, "that's why I'm here."

"I hope so," father Carlos replied grimly.

Around us, some locusts lied dead on the floor; some other were devouring our crops, and the rest were devouring each other.

"HOLY FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN..."

Ricardo Valtierra's mansión was almost as big as the town's parish.

Father Carlos rang the doorbell.

No answer.

Father Carlos rang the doorbell again.

"I don't have any money," said Ricardo Valtierra through his intercom.

"My son," said father Carlos, "since you arrived here you haven't payed the church's tithe, and now we need it more than ever. We just want to recollect."

"I've already told you I don't believe in god."

"You're His Son, believe it or not. And He needs your tithe; His parish need some remodeling, and we need to expand it even more."