Jam Fest Reviews

🍄-Finding Peace

🌠Finding Peace🌠

by : FCsilla

(The Blurb is written and owned by the author. )

Born in a society of fighters and conquerors, Cyari never really knew what peace really meant. Her name always troubled her, from the moment she could understand its meaning - peacemaker. Everyone around her thought she was gonna be a great warrior, as their idea of peace, was that they conquer with ease and with the least possible loss. Everyone thought that, but for Cyari it always felt odd. Her mother sent her to the Academy of fighting so she could fulfill her "destiny". What happens when she encounters a girl who thinks differently? A girl who's idea of peace is appealing to Cyari? Can she leave her life for a life in the resistance? And if she does, can she accept the role she gets there?

"Because you know what peace is!" Cyari snapped. Larina looked at her surprised. Cyari had always had a rather peaceful nature always thinking carefully about anything and everything she said.

"Peace, by definition is a state in which everyone is happy" the teacher answered ready for a debate. "We are happy if we can take other planets under our control" he finished calmly creating an odd contrast to the sudden anger of the student.

"Yes, but what about those you slaughter in the process?" her usually bright red face started to turn purple as anger filled her. Larina tried to pull her away but there was no stopping Cyari. She continued yelling while the teacher kept his voice down. Everyone was already paying attention to them, but when Cyari charged at the teacher even those walking by the open door stopped surprised by the behavior that was uncommon for a Cosner.

🌺Warning🌺

This review may contain spoilers and will fit the maturity level set by the the book itself. My reviews are based on my own personal opinion and is only meant to help the writer improve their art.

The critic was asked to review the first chapter of this book.

🌺Title: It's a simple title but a good one. It makes me think of a journey to either bring peace to others or find peace within yourself. 

🍄Cover: The cover is pretty, the title and author's name stands out, but the subtitle is hard to read. I suggest making that a little easier to see. 

🌺Synopsis: I really like the synopsis! It gives the reader what they need to know but not too much and hints at what's to come. The story itself sounds really interesting and I think the synopsis did a great job at capturing that. I'm also a fan of adding a small sample of the story in the synopsis, and I think the one used here was effective. However, the grammar in the sample could use a little work. It's missing some punctuation or has words that should be capitalized left as lowercase. 

🍄Plot/Pace: I only read the first chapter, so I can't say too much about the plot or pace. However from what I did read and the synopsis, I think it sounds like a solid and interesting idea. The key here, I think, will make sure that it doesn't lose it's pace. The first chapter read more like a prologue and a little slow, but that's perfectly fine for the first chapter/prologue. Just make sure the whole story moves along from there. 

 🌺Grammar: For the majority of the first chapter, the grammar was well done. I only noticed a couple ares of missed capitalization or punctuation, but nothing that I felt disturbed the flow. For these small technical errors, getting a proofreading program might help. Something like Grammarly maybe. That one always helps me when I mess up on punctuation. 

🍄Characters: I get the sense that the MC of the first chapter is not the MC of the story. For that, and what little there was to go on, I can't really say much about the characters. 

🌺Dialogue: There wasn't a lot of dialogue in the first chapter, however I did notice these people/aliens use different words sometimes. I actually felt like that was really interesting, it gives them something unique and makes them feel realistic. 

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Overview and Suggestions

Overall, I think this story could be really well done. The concept seems strong and the story seems unique. I know the biggest question the requester had was if the first chapter works better as a first chapter or as a prologue. Being that the focus of the first chapter was not of the MC and had a lot of back story, I think it would work much better as a prologue. So far it's setting things up, giving us glimpses of the past, and a look through the mother of the MC's eyes. From there, I imagine the story will jump into the MC's life and her story, so because of that, I think it works well as a prologue. 

Overall Score:

💜💜💜/5

Wanna check out Finding Peace for yourself?

Just head over to FCsilla's profile and give this book some reads and votes!

Thank you,

free_the_writer

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