Suraya

2

ZAYYAD

'Assalamu Alaykum!' Me and Ummu said in unison as we entered my parents house.
Ummu ran inside while I went to the kitchen, I saw my sisters there.
'Hello' I said strolling into the kitchen and stopping behind my younger sister who was at the stove flipping something that looked like pancakes.
'Ah!, you scared me!' Anisa shirked when she saw me behind her.
'Next time you come into the kitchen without knocking I would make sure you never eat at this house again' Zainab threatened.
'Oh I'm offended' I faked being sad and put a hand on my chest.
'Can I come in now?' Nasir Zainab's husband aka my best guy asked, poking his head through the kitchen door.
'Hey man, what's up?!' I asked giving him a manly hug.
'Meh, just working here and there and making sure I am doing everything properly because if I don't, that lady over there would starve me to death' he said nodding his head towards zainab.
'Uhm that lady over there is your wife. And she's reconsidering giving you food' Zainab said
'Oh please you know you always forgive me in the end' he said playfully
'Huh? I do don't I?' She said hand on her chin
'Yup, and I have to do nothing to change your mind' he said
'Nasir, this morning when I asked you if I should were black again, you said it's good to change once in a while right?' She said quirky an eyebrow
'Yep, but where are you going with this?' He asked frowning
'Well, I think it's time to change the fact I always forgive you after everything you do, so no food till you apologise properly' she said smiling at him.
'Well I am out of this, we're Amma?' I asked before I get dragged into this.
'She's at the backyard' Anisa said pick up her plate of pancakes.
'Thanks, Nasir, good luck' I shook his shoulder and went outside.
Ummul Khulthum was already sitting in between her grandparents telling them one of her never ending stories with a jar of cookies on her lap.
'Oh there he is!' She said when she saw me, I smiled back at her before collecting the cookie jar and greeting my parents.
'Amma, Abba, good afternoon' I said squatting down and grabbing a seat.
'How have you been? Ummul Khulthum here says you saved a boy and got a swollen hand?' My mom says, checking out my arms which are covered but the sleeves of my shirt.
'Yeah, apparently the house we met to yesterday was on fire and the kids were playing hide and seek, the boy got lost and got stuck in the attic. I fell when we were going down the stairs, but it was no big deal. It's healing already' I said to ease their stress
'Good job son' my dad says briefly looking at me then going back to his newspaper.
'Ummul Khulthum be a darling and go get me my phone and give the jar to Aunty Anisa' my mom said
'Oh no worries, I'm actually going inside, let me go get it and return the jar' I said standing up but the look on my moms face told me she's sending her on purpose cause she needs a word with me.
'Don't worry, I'll be back in a jiffy' Ummu said going inside with the jar.
I watched her little legs skip inside the house and into the kitchen.
'I know I said I won't bother you but I need to say this again, what have you done so far looking for a mother for Ummul Khulthum? And a wife for you?' My mom asked.
'Mama' I sighed ' we are okay just the way we are, I've been taking care of her and me ever since Ameena died, we're okay just the way we are' I said
'But what happened to you yesterday didn't allow you do the work you had to, you guys even didn't eat a proper dinner' she said.
'What happened yesterday was an accident, besides, there wasn't any much work to do at home, and Chinese take out can be dinner' I said trying not to sound rude.
'Uhum next you would tell me that eating a double cheeseburger with a milk shake is a healthy diet' mom scoffed.
'Zayyad, you know I don't indulge in these kind of things but I am on your mothers side on this, even if you can do the work all alone, you still a female companion. Not just for Ummul Khulthum but for you too, you think you don't need one now but you do need one. Your home isn't as life full as it was when Ameena was alive.' He paused sighing.
'And we know we can't bring Ameena back to life, and we can't find another Ameena but think of what she would tell you if you were in this position, we know no woman can replace her but you've got to move on'
'Listen to your father Zayyad, we only wish the best for you and Ummul Khulthum, that's why we are saying all these. Please if you are ready to consider, just tell me, please, for Ummul Khulthum, for Ameena' she said
'I'll think about it' I said and left, I went back into the house up into my room.
I lay flat on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about life.
Yes I do admit to the fact that I become stressed just before bed, I do get tired of doing the house chores when the maid isn't home, I do get tired of answering all her questions, I do get worked up whenever I get called at the school, informing me of how my five year old daughter is getting in trouble.
And I do think of how I would cope when she's older, I mean, when she's a tween. Would I be able to explain how the female body works? I know she would learn it at school but still?
Will my sisters be always around the corner? So they would explain it to her? Ameena was the only girl in her family, so there's no point in asking.
I do want to get a mother for my daughter but I'm afraid if I do, she will ruin her, and by that I mean make her her own mother, forgetting that her mothers Ameena, I don't want her to replace Ameena in our hearts. Hell I don't even think I would fall for her, but still.
I want Ameena and no woman else, I want to wake up to Ameena's soft breaths, I want the house to smell like one of Ameena's burning perfume.
I don't want another woman in her place, doing the exact same thing. I just can't imagine it.
Every lady is unique that's the good but bad part. I can't find another Ameena. It's just not possible.
But I have to try and get a proper woman who can take care of Ummul Khulthum. A woman that my little cupcake likes having around, not some lady that would make my girl cry.
And that's what I have to go do now. I have to go tell mom that she can choose a bride for me again but this time, I'll have to have a talk with them first, so see if they would actually take care of my child whole heartedly or not.
'Knock knock!' Ummul's voice came through. I looked up and saw that she was hanging onto the door knob.
She wasn't tall enough to open the door, so she would always stand on her tippy toes to open the door.
'What's up cupcake?' I asked her as she laid down beside me.
'Nothing, I just came up to check up on you. What are you doing?' She asked
'Thinking about a lot of things going on right now' I honestly told her.
'Like? Tell me, maybe I will understand want your mind is talking about' she said clipping and unclipping her hair clips.
'Okay then, but first stop playing with your hair clips' I told her swatting her hand away from her hair. She pouted but didn't say anything.
I took a deep breath and said 'would you want a mother?'
She tilted her head to the side before saying ' I thought you didn't want me to have a mother, you said you can be both' she questioned
'Well, I did say that, but that was before I thought you did need one, cause your papa is getting old. And maybe you would like a girl to tell all your secrets to if you are mad at me' I said
'Well, I do want a mother, but what about aunty Anisa and aunty zainab? Will I leave them? You said their my second mothers' she pointed out.
'I said a lot of things, but if you do get another mother, they would still be your second parents. But when they aren't around, you know you wouldn't be sad cause you would have your own personal mother' I tried to say in a way to explain everything.
'Hmm, then yes. I do want a mother, but papa?' She said looking at me, her dark blue eyes triggering a lot of memories.
'Hmm cupcake?' I answered her.
'If I get a new mama, I won't forget about you. Okay? I'll include you in some gossip stuff okay?' She said assuring me and caressing my cheek with her soft hands.
I chuckled before mumbling a Sure thing. Then grabbing her and pulling her into a big hug.
'Hey Abba? I'm I getting a new mother only or are you also going to marry her and love her the way other parents love each other?' She asked giggling into my chest.
'It depends on what you want. Do you want me to marry her? Do you want me not to Marty her?' I asked.
'Yes, I want you to marry her so we can be one big family. So you won't also be lonely at night when I go to sleep' she said yawning.
'Hmm Hmm' was my only answer.
We maintained silence for a long time before she broke it.
'Abba? I'm sleepy can you give me a story? Just like the ones you gave me about you and Ameena?' She said yawning.
Oh her poor soul, she always called her mother by her first name. She has never called anyone her mother before, even though her first words were mama, she soon grew up to know I'm her Abba not Amma.
She always called everyone aunt or whatever they tell her to call them. She's never called a woman her mother, Sadness overwhelmed me this moment.
'Which one?' I asked lying in a better position on putting her onto my chest.
'The one you love the most. The one were you two had a big fight and you had to apologise to her' she mumbled.
'Okay then. Once upon a time, not long before you were born' I paused and looked at her 'just like I said before, we never really liked each other, we were two people from different places living in the same house cause we were under the impression we're supposed to be husband and wife, but that didn't work out.
A day came were she wasn't home, my room was all scattered just the way I left it in the morning before work, there wasn't food and the house felt empty.
And because I wasn't a good boy like now, I thought of seeking revenge not knowing she was injured. When she arrived home, I yelled at her, threatened her and cursed her, all bad things I could do to her but I didn't hit her, my father raised me better than that.
All she did was stand there and do nothing, I watched at her tears came rushing down and she tried to wipe them off with her hands and thats when I noticed her right arm being all wrapped up' I looked at Ummu to find her already sleeping soundlessly.
I sighed as I thought of that day. I softened when I saw her hand, I asked her what happened but she wouldn't answer me, all she did was run up stairs.
I thought of following her but I stopped, I thought it would be foolish to follow her l, so I kept my distance and ordered some pizza.
When it arrived I put three slices onto a plate for me and headed to my room, and because my room is next door to where she slept, I could hear her silent cry and the beautiful recitation of the holy Quran.
She was reciting Suratul Mulk. I didn't want to disturb her but I wanted to continue listening to her, so I sat on the floor next to her door and listened.
When she was done, I heard her plea, she was praying for me, she prayed to Allah to give me more patience and faith, tolerance and a better knowledge of understanding.
She said she had forgiven me already, and at that moment I felt sad, not happy with my self, angry at mastoid mistakes, and also I lost my apatite.
I stood up and went into my room, too ashamed to face her at the moment.
Since that day, I did get more patience and I calmed down when it comes to talking to her when I am frustrated.
She was my light during the darkest days I've had, and I want Ummul to get that too but not from me.

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