Out of love for me| liskook

no. 6

Today I saw Jennie.

I bumped into her actually, while I was out getting coffee during my lunch break. Both of us were in line to order at a cafe, and I saw her further towards the front of the line.

The minute she saw me, she engulfed me into a hug, jumping up and down in excitement as she squealed. I laughed a bit at her reaction, but honestly I couldn't really blame her for it. It's been months since I've seen her and the girls in person. I felt a bit guilty at the fact, but how could I see them when I was preoccupied with you?

You, with all your problems.

You, with all the pain you've given me.

You, who gave me happiness, but only to take it away.

You, you, you.

You selfish prick. Even when we're not together, even though you've caused me so much pain, I still think about you. You just can't seem to leave my mind.

My face must've shown how tired I was, or maybe she could just see through me (she always could), because she forced me to take a seat at one of the tables with her. I tried to let her down gently, saying I had work to get back to and I was a bit busy, but one stern look from her had me shutting up. You don't mess with Jennie, everyone knows that much.

We talked a lot about our lives, catching up with one another. Her relationship with Taehyung is stronger than ever, and she seemed happy. How could she not, her face was quite literally glowing. Despite the fact that they've been dating for 6 years, it seems as if they have yet to leave the honeymoon stage with how in love they are with each other.

I told her as much, actually. Told her that she looked radiant, her happiness evident in the way she walks, talks, looks. She just giggled shyly, and told me that it was because she was happy.

But then she looked at me, really looked at me. I could tell by the intensity of her gaze as she looked me up and down, her eyes searching and scanning my face as if she was looking for something. It seemed as if she saw what she was looking for, because her behavior suddenly turned serious, solemn.

"You, though. You don't seem happy." is what she had said.

I laughed, both in trying to convince her I was, and in the irony of her statement.

I told her that of course I was happy, how could I not be? Our relationship was as perfect as ever.

If only she knew how much of a lie that statement was.

It turns out she did, though. Didn't even try to hide it and just outright blatantly told me "stop lying."

I smiled at her grimly, and I asked her about what.

About how our relationship wasn't perfect? How it was falling apart? How I've been trying to keep our relationship together by myself? "Cause no," i told her "I don't think I'm quite ready to stop lying to myself just yet."

The minute that last sentence came out of my mouth, I just couldn't seem to stop talking. I went on and on, ranting to her about my-our-problems. I talked as tears welled up into my eyes, I talked even as they started to fall, even as she came to my side of the table and sat on the chair next to me and held me as I sobbed. I told her about how tired I was, how I was so sick and tired of everything about us and yet... and yet I just couldn't seem to stop loving you.

How unfair love truly is, isn't it.

Even through everything you've put me through, through all the pain and sorrow I've felt to the point that sadness started to feel like beauty, I still loved you.

(Oh, and I also told her about how you were cheating on me. You might want to be on the lookout for her, she seemed pretty angry.)

After I finished sobbing my heart out, i asked her how she did it. How she made their relationship work through those 6 plus years they've been together. You know what she said?

"A relationship is a two-way street. Taehyung put in the effort too, you know. I wasn't always this happy. There were times where I wanted to give up, where I wanted to break things off because it was starting to get too much. But every time I felt that way, Taehyung would be there."

"There to what?" I remember asking her.

"Just...there." she answered with her hands holding mine, a bittersweet smile on her lips as she shrugged. "There to hold me. To comfort me. To plead with me. To help and ensure that we would work. And I would do the same, every time he felt that way. The both of us are just always there for each other. That's how we work, and how our relationship works."

Why couldn't we be like that? When did we stop being like that? When did I start doing most of the work? When did I become the only one who would hold you, to comfort you, to plead with you, to ensure that we would work? When did you stop being there for me?

After that we talked about happier things, like her promotion as a fashion designer and Rose's upcoming wedding. Soon though, I realized that I've already extended my break from work long enough and it was time to go. We ended our goodbyes with a hug, and a promise to see each other more often, plus a meet-up with the other girls.

It was only then, when I left the cafe, that it hit me.

The name of the cafe I went to was called "Lily's and Coffee."

At that moment, I wondered if you would remember.

Would you, Jungkook? Do you remember?

Do you remember that this was where we first met?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was on a bit of a roll today, i just started writing this chapter as an outline but suddenly all the words just came jumbling out. 

I know that the look of this chapter is different from the past chapters in this book. Usually the words don't fill out the entire space and only fill half of the page, but Wattpad has been messing with me so I just decided to publish it like this lol. Most likely from now on, this is how the chapters will look like.

This chapter is a bit longer to make up for the lack of updates. School has started once again, and I'm still trying to accept the fact that summer break is over.

Anyway, tell me your guys' thoughts on the story so far!

Also, this chapter is more of a filler if anything. I felt like Lisa had been through enough alone, and that she should have someone to rant out her feelings to.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! Stay safe everyone 🥰