An Engima

Part 1

The first time he told her he loved her, they were lying in his bed under the safety of the doona. Of course, she felt safe enough in his embrace but she knew that maybe when they decided to come out of the covers everything would be better. It would be okay. 

That was not the case. She knew that he was going back to the big city, leaving her stranded once again struggling for air, trapped without him and she thought he just didn't understand, but she was wrong, for he would rather stay in the small town with her than be in the big town without her with the pain in his chest that would never go away until she was once in his arms again. 

" You know that I love you" he whispered.

"what do you love about me?" she retorted.

" Everything I love your fish scales, your hair, your beauty, your mind, I just love you so much, you and Coldplay it seems are the only two things," he said

she couldn't help but laugh, she knew that he loved other things but for some reason, this seemed real, so real and she didn't know it then but tears had sprung to her eyes for she too was in love with him, almost as much as she was in love with home. 

"Hey please don't cry I did not mean to upset you, I"He was interrupted by her lips locking onto his. It was a subtle kiss, her favorite type. she pulled away as suddenly as the kiss had occurred. 

"I think, that I love you too" she nervously said.

"You think?" he gave her a look that she knew meant he was somewhat hurt by her response.

 "I just know that I have never felt like this and I think it is love but how are we ever ready to determine what it means to be in love with someone."

he hated when she did this, well not really but it was excruciatingly painful to love someone who could disappear into her head at whatever moment. He knew that he had to let her sometimes but it was hard because whenever she returned from her mind, he could tell she was in an ominous amount of mental pain and he did not know how to help. "Will you just hold me? my love" she added. "I'll always hold you" he replied. as he bought her close to his chest and put his arms around her back. This is what they both had always wanted, someone to hold, to call home. 

"When do we have to go?" she asked. 

He checked his watch'"I should get going if I'm going to get home at a decent hour"

She sat up, the covers falling off her, his room was a mess, they had spent the whole weekend in his bed. Talking, kissing, and having sex. And she thought she could have spent eternity in that bed with him. She wasn't home but she was happy. The happiest she had been in such a long long time.

 They dressed in silence. The things that they couldn't say hanging in the air. She knew she wanted him to stay with her, it would be a decent chunk of time until she would see him again. He was worried about her once again. This worry exhausted him. He didn't want her to go, he wished she could come and live with him in his dorm and this happiness could continue. But it was just a dream and he didn't know if he could hold down an enigma like her for as long as his dream lasted. But alas it was just a dream. 

They packed up and she helped him pack away his belongings that he was taking back with him. She wasn't his belonging but sometimes she wished she could be packed away in a bag and taken with him. She held back the tears the whole time. She knew they were coming but she did not want him to see her like that, even though he had seen her at her worst. 

It was time to go at last. He would drop her at the side of the road where she hid her bike. It was always the same place. The same place that he picked her up and said goodbye. It always reeked of pain. The car ride was mostly spent in silence. She didn't know what to say to fill this void. There were so many things she could say but nothing could come out to fill it. She could feel herself slipping once again and she had to stop it. He too felt like he could not say anything. She always thought the life he was going back to was amazing but it was suffocating. University was hard. He did not know what he was doing or why he was doing it. He knew he didn't want to be an engineer and yet he still didn't want to disappoint his parents by dropping out and doing something radical, which was ironic because his parents had done nothing but disappoint him since he was about 15. 

Finally, her red bike came into view. It was left locked behind a tree. For some reason, she thought this was a good idea. She wasn't sure why. She knew no one would ever want to steal it. It was a banged-up old red bike that she had bought from one of her neighbors. Everyone tried to convince her not to waste her money, but there was something about this bike that she just couldn't quite place. The car came to a sudden stop and they both knew it was time. She opened the car door and retrieved her bag. She was not going to cry. He opened his door and hopped out. 

"Thank you for making this weekend one of the best," he said. 

"I cannot believe it is over, it feels like it only just started" she replied. "Hey it's okay," he said pulling her into his embrace. 

"I wish you didn't have to leave me," she said. 

'I wish I did not have to leave you too."

''Is it not easier for you? You get to go off and live your life while I am still trapped here' she said. 

'Leaving you is never easy, my life is not perfect you know that' he said with slight agitation slipping into his response. 'I love you a lot' as he pressed his lips against hers. 

He released her and he knew it was time now to leave her regardless of whether she was going to say it back or not. He walked back to his car and was about to hop in when he turned back to her and said;

'it's okay if you don't love me now, I'll wait for you always' said he with the pain stuck in the back of his throat. 

'Ring me every day' she responded. 

'Of course, I will' He said as he started the car and drove away leaving her behind.

 ' I think I love you too' she said but it was too late. 

His car had signaled and turned onto the main road. She was alone once again. She unlocked her bike and put her headphones in. She started to play the one song that made her feel like the main character and road away with the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

Tjena, This is my first time writing a love story I hope it is okay and that you even maybe enjoyed it. Always open to suggestions and critics. The song she was listening to is Solar Flare by Luboku. Josie xx