[l.m x l.jn]
[l.m x z.cl]
ೃ⁀➷ occasionally reality distorts itself.
it changes as days come and go.
sometimes quickly but sometimes
slowly. it gives way to fantasy, the
action of imagining...
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Mark woke with a start, head aching as soon as his eyes took-in the light surrounding him. There was an image of Chenle burned into his mind's eye, sitting there permanently like a tease and a guilty reminder of what he had just done.
Yet it slowly started to fade as he blinked back his initial blindness and rubbed his eyes. As it appeared, he was sitting at his desk in his empty classroom. The vibrant walls filled with posters, projects, and school trip memories stared back at him as he peered at each piece individually.
The feeling in the pit of his stomach could've been described as 'nauseous', but Mark didn't really feel sick. It was a similar sensation to motion sickness when the boat was shaking over monstrous waves, or when a car zoomed over mountainous roads and left one's stomach flipping. How he could experience those gut-wrenching side effects due to what could have been a dream was a mystery to him.
The sky outside was cloudy, yet it always seemed to be. It either rained, or threatened to over here. What was the weather like at the hospital? God, he didn't even know. He never left the complex to find out, or at least he didn't remember leaving.
Just as he began to wonder where his class was, or even what time it was, a knock to the door rang across the space. It almost sounded too loud to Mark, like a siren.
"Yeah?" He croaked, subtly stretching his arms across the desk and cringing as his shoulders tensed up painfully and his bones cracked. Clearly, sleeping in chairs wasn't wise.
The interruption to his confusion walked in, proving to be none other than Lee Jeno. The raven haired student sported a concerned expression, closing the door behind him and leaning back against it. "Mark?"
"Hey...." the adult frowned, sitting back in his seat and beckoning the boy over. "What are you doing here?"
"Well...." he sighed, sauntering towards his teacher and leaning over the desk in a relaxed manner. "Classes are over. I didn't see you leave, so I came to check on you."
"Wait. When did classes end?"
"Like, two hours ago. You must've fallen asleep."
The older's breath hitched as he searched and searched his memories, wracked his brain for the classes he had even given today. But he simply couldn't separate A from B, and each day seemed to feed into the next. What date was it? He still couldn't tell what time it was. How long had he been here?
"Mark...." Jeno broke through his rush of panicked thoughts with his soothing voice. "Mark, are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"Look at you," the teen grumbled, "You're not yourself. I mean, for months you've been so weird. Always disappearing to fall asleep. Hiding things from me. Hell, I'm not sure what you're up to with Jaemin either. It's like you're both opposite ends of a magnet."
"Jen, it's nothing important-"
"Nothing important? Nothing important? For god's sake, Mark, we're a couple. We're supposed to share all the important and unimportant stuff with each other. What good is trust when we hide things regardless? I'm here giving this relationship my all, risking everything by being with you. Doesn't that say anything to you?"
Mark bit the wall of his cheek with immense guilt, his face heating up with the sudden need to burst into tears and his eyes burning from both exhaustion and sadness. He did love Jeno that much. Of course he did. He knew the happy teenager was throwing his whole future on the line by dating him behind society's back. One wrong move, and Jaemin could potentially drag them both down to hell.
"Jen....." he whispered and couldn't even really trust his own voice. "God, I'm so tired. I don't know what t-to do anymore...."
Suddenly his boyfriend got all blurry. A sheen of tears formed over his eyes like a shield against the horrible situation he was placed in. Once he blinked, they fell. They tumbled down his cheeks like raging rivers, ceasing for no one.
Jeno hurriedly shuffled around the desk to sit on it directly in front of him and pulled the older against his body in a tight and well-needed hug. Mark sobbed uncontrollably, envisioning Chenle, envisioning Jaemin, and picturing the distraction the impression was creating in his life.
For fuck's sake, which one was it? Was the impression school? Or was it the hospital? Was it Chenle or Jeno who he was truly betraying?
"Do you want to talk about it?" The younger enquired gently, rubbing soft patterns against Mark's back and kissing the top of his head fondly.
The older couldn't respond. He didn't want to either. Everything that formed in his mind washed away as quickly as it came, like the restless tide. Even explaining a fraction of what was happening to him would've been too much for Jeno to handle. How did he tell the younger that he had a 'dream crush' or in fact that Jeno could be the 'dream crush'. He would've sounded crazy, and starting with 'I have a sleep therapist' would've made it worse.
Mark was alone, no matter how he lay the cards out. There was nobody he could properly trust, and without knowledge of what was real, he couldn't be sure how to rest. His mind was active one hundred percent of the time.....That would mean he had to burn out at some point, wouldn't it?
Jeno slowly gazed up at the blackboard ahead of him. The chalk dust littered the greenish surface. He didn't know what he could do for him. He wanted to help in any way he could, yet Mark was still crumbling in his arms.
