BamKai

+

Bamkai

Tw// abuse, suicidal thoughts

Why did I wake up today? This is something I ask myself every morning but now I am wondering why I had to wake up this day out of all days. You see, today is my 16th birthday. I'm turning the big 1 6 today. The best year of a teenager's life they say. Bullshit. Turning 16 just means more responsibilities, more disappointments and more days that I don't wake up dead. I'm sorry, did I get a bit too deep there? Let me introduce myself. My name is Andrew Kim, I live in Syracuse, NY with my mom and my older brother Anthony. You're probably thinking "Andrew, I've never heard of Syracuse?" Well neither have a lot of people, whenever people think of New York they only think about New York City and not the other places around it. But trust me, we exist. That's kinda how I feel in life. My older brother is New York City and I'm just one of the other places around it. Everyone gives NYC all the love and attention but everywhere else in New York state is "just there". People only find us useful when it comes to going to college or needing a cheap place to live. But other than that, we're just the supporting cast and NYC is the big star. I mean, people call it the Big Apple for a reason.

 My whole life people have made it obvious that they love my brother, to them he's charming, sweet, "the nicest person you'll ever meet" they say. Little do they know he's an absolute monster in my world. He's the #1 reason I wake up every day wondering "why me God?" In my opinion there's a difference between siblings playfully teasing each other and just straight up abuse. After I did my usual routine of waking up in the morning and silently crying to myself for 15 minutes. I got ready to sneak in the kitchen to grab some cereal, my skinny leg shook vigorously as it touched the cold dark wooden floor. My heart was beating so fast that you would've thought I had just came back from running a marathon. One wrong move and I'm screwed. One wrong move and he'll hear me. I slowly shifted my weight from my hips to my legs so I can properly stand up. 

By now I've recognized every single creak on this floor, or so I thought. The only noise you heard throughout the house was this bone-chilling sinister creak. It was so loud that it felt like the whole neighborhood heard it. A creak, something so simple to others, something that is seen as a little annoying obstacle to some was now my biggest fear. After that was a moment of silence. A moment of me sitting there with a mixture of fear and regret swimming across my mind. Then I heard him. I heard him running up the stairs as if he's some Pitbull whose owner was about to take them on a walk. When I felt his presence enter my room I simply just sat there, breath uneven, tears welding up in my eyes and my face beginning to become the color of a maraschino cherry. He did nothing but chuckle to himself, then he slowly walked in front of me, bent down so we are face to face then whispered "Got ya!"

"Please... what do you want Anthony?"

"I actually received the news that today was someone's birthday, can you guess who?" I slowly raised my head to be met with bis devilish smirk and his dark brown eyes that told me he was up to no good. I gave him no response. Why should I give him a response? I don't owe him anything. He shoved his big callus filled hand on my eyes to cover them which made me fall back a little, but I kept my balance. "Surprise" he said only one word, but that word was packed with 5 gallons of hate. He took his hand off my eyes and revealed something that was sure to add to my trauma. A small orange kitten that looked very disheveled and very much dead laid in front of me. I recognized her instantly, that's the neighborhood cat that I've been building a bond with for the past 3 months. I called her Bam, short for Bambi. She was so delicate and young yet full of life just like Bambi. And now she's here... dead from what I'm assuming are my brother's actions. Tears did not hesitate to pour out of my eyes, my chest tightened like someone had put a knot in it.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

She was the only friend I had, my only light in this dark world. Why me God? Why me? I began kicking my legs and swaying back and forth quickly "this isn't real" I whispered to myself as if I was losing my mind "he wouldn't go that far". "Oh, but I did. That annoying cat waits for you everyday in front of our door meowing non-stop. Today I had enough". He forcefully shoved the dead cat on my lap which made me fall back this time and I just sat there with my eyes widened and a big O shaped mouth. He casually walks about but pops his head back in my room as he has one final message to say. "Where are my manners... I almost forgot. Happy Birthday Andrew!" I hate him. I hate how he can sit there, terrorize me then act like he did no wrong. I hate how every time I tell my mother about it; she just tells me "괜찮아 (it's okay)" It's not okay. This isn't a "boys will be boys" situation. I'm suffering! Why won't she do anything about it! But that's just life I guess, well that's just my life I guess.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: wow that's the end of chapter one. I'm not Korean but I try to make my books as diverse as possible and I didn't really know how to show that Andrew and his family are in fact Korean- Americans. I'm saying this because I put that little Korean word in that book and I don't know if I used it correctly or not lol. Hope you enjoyed!!