BamKai

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"생일 축하"

Grandma and Grandpa stand in the door frame with 2 gifts, arms widened and a toothy grin slapped on both their faces. I move to the side to invite them in, my dull eyes looking into their excited ones trying to call out for help. "Please get me out of here" my eyes tell theirs "I didn't even want this party". They drop my gifts off at my feet and run to my mother instantly, I don't know what they were saying but she very much did not want to hear it. The whole interaction made me chuckle to myself, I honestly think that is the first time I smiled all day. Sadly, that little moment of happiness didn't last that long because I suddenly felt an arm that smelt like cigarettes and sweat wrap around my shoulder. Anthony. I noticed behind him were 3-5 guys; all of them probably his friend's mom made him invite. None of them were Kairi though. "Are you looking for your friend?" he whisper-shouted in my ear "because I kinda have bad news about him... uh meet me in your room in like 5 minutes". I looked up at Anthony confused as ever, he has never talked to me like a normal human being before. Every time we speak it's as if he has a God Complex or something. What does he mean he has "bad news?" Before I can give him a response he pushes past me, a bunch of sweaty 6'0ft dudes who reeked the smell of cannabis followed him muttering a couple of happy birthday's as they pass by. My head feels fuzzy suddenly, my breathing pattern feels unstable, my heart is in that knot again from earlier.

What. Does. He. Mean. He. Has. Bad. News.

"Andrew can you come in the kitchen so we can cut this cake, I know it's super early but your grandfather won't stop pestering me about it". I didn't even realize mom walked up next to me. How long have I been standing here staring off into the abyss? Has it been 5 minutes yet? "Yeah sure, I'll be there in a sec. Let me just get something from my room real quick" I can't believe I even managed to get that sentence out. She must've noticed how breathy it sounded because she twisted up her face as if she were thinking "what the hell is wrong with this kid". I run past her upstairs so I can reach my bedroom, as I'm about to open the door I pause for a second and think to myself. "What if he's just trying to scare me and this ends up being a sick prank? Or what if he randomly decided to be a decent human being and when I open this door I'm met with Kairi's bright grin?" I laugh to myself, that last theory doesn't even sound like something Anthony would even think of doing. It's totally unbelievable. But what's even more unbelievable is what I saw when I gained the courage to open that door. What I saw was so unbelievable that I barely even believe it, and I was there.

As I turned my body I was faced with Anthony bawling his eyes out as if someone just told him the world is ending tomorrow. I didn't know what to do. Should I comfort him? No that's too weird. Do I ask him what's wrong? I've never been put into a situation like this, I have absolutely no idea what to do. All I can do is stand here dumbfounded. "Remember Kai?" he attempts to say through tears, but it was clear enough for me to understand. "Y-Yeah" is all I can whisper out. "He's dead. He hung himself this morning". Silence has never been so loud... it was so quiet that you could hear 2 ghost dancing together if you tried hard enough. "We went over to his house so we can bring him over and his parents... Andrew you should've seen his parents' man". Again I am stuck, what does one say in a situation like this? "Damn that's crazy"? I can't say that, a man took his own life this morning. Unfortunately, mom starts calling me downstairs to blow out those damn candles, to hell with the candles! But I went downstairs anyway.

As I walked away Anthony began to cry harder. Maybe he expected me to comfort him? Who knows? The atmosphere in the kitchen was unsettling, mom obviously wanting to get away from grandma and grandpa, grandpa giving me a dirty look because he wants me to just blow out these candles and grandma who's sitting there most likely thinking the same thing as me which is "can we get this over with?" This must be what unprofessional models feel like when they walk down runways. So many eyes on me, the pressure to not show any emotion on my face and the self-doubt that no one other than myself is fueling. If I show my emotions people will ask "what's wrong" and I'll have to confess that my crush died this morning. But if I don't show my emotions then I'll have to continue holding in this ball of fire inside me that brings me great pain. I need to just complete this mission which is to blow out these candles so I can just go about my day. When I reach the cake I can't tell if it's the fire that heats up my face or my anxiety. Suddenly everyone starts singing Happy Birthday "생일 축하합니다, 생일 축하합니다. 사랑하는 Andrew. 생일 축하합니다!!"

As I blow out my candles I hear a variety of party horns, laughs and screams. But the one thing that stood out to me, the one thing that took me by surprise were the words that left mom's open smile mouth "ANDREW YOU'RE ADOPTED!"