BamKai

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I shoved the cat off my lap and kicked her under my bed. This day is off to such a great start. I went downstairs and saw mom sitting at the table with a blue frosted cake in front of her. She had her back turned to me so she didn't notice when I came down the stairs, but I definitely noticed her. I mean who wouldn't with her messy black hair, her slouched position and her oversized wrinkly T-Shirt. You see, mom works night shift at the Hutchings Psychiatric Center so when she finally comes home she's a mess. I slowly step in the kitchen just in case she is in fact asleep, but to my surprise mom turns around with big open arms as she yells "SURPRISE HUN". I do nothing but stare at her, I need to take a moment to process her appearance. Her cracked red lips match the ruby color that spreads across her cheeks. Her big chocolate eyes carry eye bags that can fit the 10-inch salmon that's been sitting in our fridge ever since Anthony's fishing trip.

She looks like shit.

I bashfully open my arms as well and lean in to accept her hug offer. With no hesitation she grabs me and holds on as if I might slip away. Now that I'm closer I recognize the faint smell of chocolate in her hair and I notice the flour on her shoulder. "Did she spend all night making this cake for me?" I wonder. I pull and we just stare at each other for a moment, my sad eyes meet hers. They dance to the silent melody of depression together for a moment. I realize now that maybe I am not the only one who wishes they never woke up this morning. "엄마(mom) you didn't have to make me a ca-"

"ButI wanted to Andrew" her smile drops and her expression shows frustration. "Younever let me do things for you. If I want to make my son a cake for hisbirthday then I shall make my son a cake for his birthday. There should be noissue". I sometimes wonder if that one time when mom told Anthony and I she hadbig news if she said she got a job at a Psychiatric Center or if she's apatient at a Psychiatric Center. "You're right, I'm sorry" was the onlything I could muster out as I kept my eyes on my once white socks that were nowmixed with brown due to this dirty floor. "Anthony and I are throwing a birthday party for you later hun, I know you don't have many friends so Anthony's inviting over some of his and I'm inviting over some family members. I can't believe my Honey Bunny is turning 16 years old today!" I cringe, I can't tell if it's because of how high pitched her voice suddenly got or if it's because of the gross nickname she cursed me with when I was 5 and went through a phase where I only ate Honey Buns.

If Anthony invites over his friends I hope he invites over the guy that he use to play football with in college. Kairi. Everyone called him Kai for short but in my mind I called him "the love of my life". He's the first person in my life who made me feel like I mattered, y'know? Whenever I came to Anthony's football games everyone else would ignore me. Act like they didn't see an underweight 5'10 boy just standing there looking dazed. But he noticed me, he always noticed me. "Wassup Drew" he would say with a smile as he places his hand in my hair to give it a little shake. I would usually stand there and smile the biggest gummy smile anyone has ever seen; probably looking like an idiot. But I was an idiot, in love. Something that also made me feel really connected to Kairi was that he was a person of color as well. You see, the neighborhood we live in is mainly populated by Caucasians. But Kairi and his family were one of the few that lived here and were not white. Even though we come from 2 completely different races it still felt comforting to have him around. I didn't feel like a black sheep.