Bas Tu

Chapter 33

Shehnaaz's pov

"Hnji baby, owi owi....awwww Mera gullu..." I'm playing with my one month old son, and he's making beautiful gurgling sounds. Our life has changed so much in this past month but not in a bad way. Being a mother is  not an easy job, but when you have an amazing husband and a very loving and supportive family it becomes quite easy.
It's 10 in the night and my little love wants to play with his Mumma.
I saw my husband coming out of the bathroom holding a towel in his hands.

"What are my babies doing?" He asked as he sat down beside us. He started playing with zoro.

"Kuch nhi ji, Aapke raja beta ko mommy ke Saath khelna hai." I said cooing him. Siddharth took him from my arms to his lap and started rocking him. My little baby. He loves his dadda more than me, when he started going office again a week ago me and maa had a hard time to pacify him. He fuss and cry every time his dadda isn't in his sight. Siddharth wasn't even in the favour of leaving our little love home, he wanted to work from home, but somehow we made him understand that he didn't need to worry about zoro as me maa and dad is always here. Preeti Di and shefu-jassi  practically stays at our house since I became pregnant.

His features are becoming more clear Day by Day, and even a blind person can see how much he looks like his father. He's just a carbon copy of him. He has his eyes, his lips, his jaw basically everything his but with my nose and chin. He's a very observant baby always active seeing what's going on in his surroundings. He's a smart baby just like his father, only cry for milk. His sleeping patterns are very even, he play whole day waiting for his dadda come home and then sleep when he's in dadda's lap.

My husband's lullaby broke my chain of thoughts. His humming voice is so soothing. I went to bathroom and did my night routine. I applied some vitamin E oil to my c section scar. It's totally healed now,only the scar is left.I just cringe wherever I look at it but don't tell my husband this he literally lashed out at me when I told him that I don't like this scar, it makes me feel ugly but he said that this mark is a victory mark. He feel proud looking at it, that I gave him an angel bearing the pain. I saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw my big boobs, wider hips, some stretch marks on my belly those annoying tears again came to my eyes, I look disgusting. I guess every mother has to go through this. It's just so much annoying although my husband and my whole family makes me feel beautiful but only I know how much beautiful I still am. With these thoughts I came out of the bathroom.

Kullu has already put our baby in the crib beside our bed. Zoro usually sleep in his nursery in the day or in maa' room but at night my husband wants him here in our bedroom so he can look at him throughout the night, but sometimes he just sleeps in his beautiful nursery. I kissed him and laid down on the bed with my husband. He cuddle me and I no time the sleep took over us. I guess this whole parenting thing is so tiring.

Next day

Kullu left for office and dad also had some work so had already left the house. Me and maa had to do some shopping so we went to the mall. I'm lying in my bed and zoro baby is with his grandma playing. I'm thinking about only one thing that keeps bothering me for this whole time. My husband. He's a loving husband, a devoted father a perfect son but he's lacking somewhere. I mean he doesn't look at me the way he used to. The doctor declared I'm perfectly fine to resume those things again well you know what things, but my husband doesn't gives me a second look. He's always at my side, pampering me, taking care of me, comforting me, he's very active when it comes to zoro. Always waking up at night to comfort him, even be at his side for the whole night without Letting him disturb me. He's everything that a girl wants a perfect husband and father, but a woman wants a perfect lover also which my husband is lacking these days. I even tried to make him look at me the way he always had but I failed. Tears of rejection came to my eyes when I tired to kiss him a few days back and he rejected my kiss and slept kissing only forehead. That night I cried for the first time since I lost my first child. Maybe what people say is right ki mardon Ka bachha hone me baad biwi ko dekhne Ka nazariya badal jaata hai. Maybe I'm not appealing anymore, maybe I'm not beautiful now.
Those frustrating tears again came to my eyes. I heard a knock on my door and I quickly wiped them.