If You Never Meant It

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We were halfway down the street by the time I managed to convince Colette that I needed to see Barney about an assignment. Although she huffed and puffed about bailing on her for my best friend, I was finally bolting towards Barney’s flat, a chilled breeze now settling in the air. It ripped its way through my hair and made the hairs on my arms stand firmly to attention.

Or maybe it was just the aftershock of seeing Rudi in such a public place.

Why did this have to happen now? When everything was going so well…University was fine, I had a great social life, I had Colette…and now Rudi had turned up and suddenly my head was completely upside down. Why this University; there were hundreds across the flipping country.

Maybe she’d done this just to spite me.

I hammered insistently on Barney’s front door, swallowing back some of the anguish that I could feel rising up inside of me; bloody hell, I hadn’t felt this worried about something in…nearly a year.

Christ…

The door flew open abruptly, a mass of shaggy brown hair appearing in the middle of the frame.

"What?" Barney barked grumpily, his cheeks flushed and his chest rising and falling quickly. A coy smile crept across his lips when he saw my face, beckoning me in with a casual sweep of his hand. I stepped inside cautiously, trying not to breathe in the scent of stale instant noodles and the stagnant stench of washing that had yet to be done.

Barney grinned at me, closing the door silently and bouncing into his living room. His boxers sat precariously low on his hips, making me recoil slightly in horror. Someone needed to talk to him about answering the door half naked…

Wading through the mess in the hallway, I made my way after my best friend. It was useful having him around to be honest; any arguments with Colette meant that I had somewhere to crash, and any morale needed came from him and his substantial liquor collection. And what was more, he didn’t do any of the touchy-feely stuff that everyone seemed to be obsessed about on my course; I wasn’t even sure if Barney even had feelings.

"Barney," I said, remembering the reason I had come to see him. He turned around, crest fallen; he had just been about to kiss the girl who was sitting on his sofa.

"Yes?" he demanded, as though my being there was some gross inconvenience.

"I need to talk to you," I muttered, pointing to the kitchen. Barney rolled his eyes and grudgingly told the girl he would be back in a few moments, ushering me into the kitchen quickly. Silence reigned for a couple of minutes while he got himself a beer out of the fridge, popping the cap off the top before looking at me flatly.

"What's wrong, Si?"

"Rudi's back."

Barney stared at me as though he had no idea what I was talking about.

For the love of God.

"The crazy one?"

I winced as the old term I had used for her came back to haunt me, but I nodded all the same. He let out a long, low breath.

"So how is she?" Barney asked, rubbing his eyes with his free fist. "Still crazy?"

"She seems...great." In actual fact, she looked better that great; she looked amazing. She looked happy and alive and...happy. There was no trace of the girl I had left in that bedroom all those months ago. But maybe I was trying to convince myself that what I had done hadn't had a negative effect on her. Perhaps, if I had been looking for them, there would be tell-tale signs of the past year. Maybe I had put on rose-tinted glasses as a defence against any guilt I might feel.