[Featured on @YARomance, @NA, @Teenfiction, @Contemporarylit]
"I feel him lean closer towards me and softly whispers into my ear, 'I just want the best for you.' I almost shiver at the rumbles his deep voice sends down my back, before he releases th...
I don't even know what to think as I scurry down the hall. I press the button to the elevator and luckily it only takes a couple seconds for it to arrive and open. I step inside and as I press the button I see Jason stumbling out of his office, his clothes thrown on in a hurry.
"Katie wait!" he exclaims.
The doors slowly start to close in between us.
"Goodbye Jason," I whisper right before the doors shut.
I manage to wait until the elevator starts its descent before my tears start spilling.
__________________
My head feels like lead as my elbow rests on the counter and my hand holds it up. The bar is nearly empty. Makes sense, it's 3 pm on a Thursday. I feel pathetic. How could I think last night meant anything?
I order a fourth drink and the bartender looks at me sympathetically.
"Rough day?" he asks in a kind voice. I nod slowly. My face must look miserable too. "Want to talk about it? Bartender's confidentiality," he says with a warm smile.
It must be the alcohol messing with my prefrontal cortex, because I spill everything. Sometimes it's easier to vent to strangers when you know there won't be consequences.
What happened with Lincoln. Falling for Jason. How Jason treats me as more than a friend but less than a girlfriend. Hiding me from his parents. Kissing and sleeping with Jason. Quitting ASA to avoid him. Being cheated on by Chad. The scene I walked into this afternoon.
How I feel like a pathetic idiot because Jason is constantly with other girls and I still have the tiniest bit of hope he'd feel the same way I feel about him.
"Ouch," he grimaces, placing my drink on the counter, "here, this one's on me."
I give him a small grateful smile.
"Can I give my thoughts though?" he asks.
"Go for it."
"I doubt a guy who cheated would let the girl oversleep in his bed, especially if he thought his girlfriend would be coming over soon," he says, with a thoughtful look on his face.
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As I'm on the bus home, I get a text from Jason.
J: I'm so sorry you saw that. I can explain
K: I don't want you to. Just leave me alone.
J: I take it you won't be going with me to the dinner?
I angrily shove my phone back into my pocket. I feel it buzz again and take it out. It's my group chat with Ray and Lincoln, and a bit of my anger fades away.
L: Alright Katie, you're coming to the dinner
R: Everyone wants you to come as a special guest :)
I realize they have no idea that Jason had asked me earlier today.
They send me a screenshot of the ASA group chat. There's lots of emojis and gifs - they all want to invite me. Even more of my anger fades away and my heart feels warm.
K: Aw, how could I say no to that? :)
R: Perfect, we'll see you then!
__________________
I'm sitting at my desk trying but failing to memorize my notes. I let my head fall and thump against the textbook. Next week is finals week, I just have to get through that, then I'm free from this semester. I just want to put everything that has happened behind me.
I lift my head back up and check the time, it's almost 1 am. I'll take a break after this chapter.
After finishing reading about aphasia, I shut my book. I lean back in my chair and stretch. From the corner of my eye, I notice the wine bottle Jason brought over that we didn't end up opening. A little wine wouldn't hurt.
I open it and pour myself a glass, accompanied by a couple episodes of The Office. I end up drinking a lot more than I should, which I don't realize until I stand up and have trouble balancing. It also occurs to me how much I drank this afternoon.
I'm not an alcoholic.
My phone rings, it's Jason. My intoxicated brain decides it's a good idea to pick up.
"Hello?"
"So I heard you're coming to dinner."
"Yup."
"Look Katie, I'm sorry about what happened today. Stacy showed up unexpectedly, I meant to just take a quick break but things got out of hand. My parents also, uh, lifted the 'no guests' policy"
"I'm so sure." I slur slightly.
He pauses for a bit. "Are you alright?"
"No. My life is in shambles," I slur even more.
"You're drunk aren't you," I detect amusement in his voice.
"You're drunk."
I hear him chuckle.
"Don't laugh at me. Haven't I been teased enough?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you treat me the way you do?"
"Like a friend?"
"That's bullshit and you know it. What even am I to you? Why are you leading me on? What do you want from me Jason?"
There's a long silence.
"I don't think you're going to remember this conversation in the morning. Make sure you drink lots of water before you go to sleep."
He ends the call.
Jason
I stare at my phone. I thought I had things under control, I thought every detail was taken care of. I guess life doesn't give a shit about your plans, it just feels like everything is unraveling.
I'm so close though.
Just a couple more weeks before everything should fall into place.
